Wednesday, May 13, 2015

WHAM!! It Hits You Hard, Straight Out of Left Field

Ever had one of those uncomfortable experiences when a relationship with someone in your network suddenly goes bad without warning? What about the incidents that catch you totally off guard when you receive an email, phone call or letter, informing you that they are ending the relationship because of something they claim you did or did not do? How about when they won't tell you what it was?

What about the incidents in which the person doesn't return your calls or emails, or you detect something's wrong in their voice or tone. Worse yet, they just stop communicating with you altogether, for some reason that is unknown to you. Even others in your network are aware of some sort of problem but won't or can't tell you?

So you try and reach out to them to make amends, even though you're not really sure what it was you did. What if it WAS something you said or did that was unintentional or misinterpreted completely wrong? And of course, there are those incidents in which you make an honest mistake and see that they took your action or words so hurtful that it seems that the damage may be irreversible.

If you're a mover and a shaker in your industry, one of these situations has likely happened to you and it was probably painful, especially if you're the sensitive type. Your network has so many "moving parts" (relationships) that your chances of experiencing one of these bristly events is high. It may have even involved family members.

Initial feelings in the aftermath might be, anger, fear, disappointment (in you OR the other person), and more. You may experience some or all of these uncomfortable emotions, all within a short time period. Eventually, it may hit you in your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings; your self-doubt about who you are and what you are capable of. Your self-esteem may even take a hit. Every flaw you feared you had is now throbbing.

In order to recover quickly, it's important to keep in mind that it may not really have anything to do with you, you just became the object of something that is going on with them. This concept is hard to grasp when you're feeling the hurt. If the other person won't reveal what happened or even if they do, it may be hard to see their point of view. It is best to make any repairs that you may be responsible for, remain open to learning from the experience, and allow yourself to heal.

Have you experienced this yourself? Add a comment to tell your story and describe what you did to heal from the incident. Share with us how you recovered and what, if anything, you learned from the incident. Offer any tips you've learned along the way on how not to take something like this so personal.

Bill Corbett is a professional speaker in the field of behavior and has a degree in clinical psychology from the University of Phoenix. He has been selected to deliver the keynote at a national Dutch conference for teachers and families in September of 2015. Learn more about him at

Bill organizes and facilitates the Hartford Springfield Speakers Network in Southern New England so that he can hang out with like-minded professionals. He's the author of 8 books, including the Amazon top selling Kindle book, HOW TO BECOME A CONFERENCE SPEAKER.


  1. You have such an interesting blog. Thanks for sharing. Reading blogs is my hobby and I randomly found your blog. I enjoyed reading your posts. All the best for your future blogging journey. Please keep in touch with me in Twitter, @ipersuade.

  2. Bill:
    Having been in selling profession for a number of years I still find it amazing on how some people can comprehend a comment or decision in the wrong way. On top of that they neglect to ask the other person exactly what the comment or decision was based upon and walk off into the sunset.
    This is a great post on taking the next step in communication.
    Al Luoma

  3. Thanks for reading Al. You're right, it is so amazing, especially when they take an misinterpretation and use it to make long-lasting decisions in relationships.