Do You Understand?
In Stephen Covey’s landmark book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he
addressed “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.”
People form opinions based on their own
experiences. Unless they try to understand the other person's perspective, two
people can see the same thing and form completely different viewpoints because
their understanding is "autobiographical."
I frequently
hear Covey’s quote in meetings. Some
people want to listen and find it difficult.
They are so intent on having their own opinion or idea heard that they
scarcely hear what others are talking about.
Consequently people decide prematurely what they believe the other
person is saying before others have had a chance to say it.
This form of “deafness”
causes duplication, mistakes and loss of trust.
If someone can’t be trusted to acknowledge the other person and hear
what they’re saying, then that person will stop trying. They may pretend to participate, then do
nothing, and everything remains the same…..no progress.
“A basic human
need is that humans share a universal longing
to be known and, being known, to be loved.”
Love may sound strange in a work setting. Think of it as being accepted and
acknowledged. “When our conversations
disregard this core need, our lives can seem like an ongoing, exhausting
struggle to influence others to do what we want them to do.” Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations
Try this:
·
Ask
a question with the intent of wanting to know the answer.
·
Be
prepared to be in the moment and nowhere else. Do not scan your emails, check
the sports scores or today’s news or play a game on your smart phone. (*We all
know what you’re doing when you pull out your smart phone in a meeting!)
·
Listen
for content, emotion and intent. Hearing
their words is only the beginning.
·
When
a thought jumps into your head, jot it down, and get back to listening.
·
If
you miss what they said, it’s okay to ask them to repeat it.
Outcome
People will really talk
to you. They will be more likely to listen,
collaborate and cooperate when you do talk.
This can make your workplace more pleasant and more productive. If you haven’t already, read her book, Fierce Conversations. Whether it’s with
an employee, co-worker, boss, client, customer or family member, your
relationships will be stronger. You will
have a better chance of getting what you want.
Do you understand them?
Ann Meacham, president of Leadership Dynamics works with business owners and executives to clear their blind spots so they will know how to succeed in their business. Contact me: ann@leadyourteams.com Sign up for a Free Leadership Strategy Session on my website.
thanks ann
ReplyDeletexenia