6 Common Communication Mistakes You May Be Making

Miscommunication can make or break our world.  Bad communication leads to broken relationships:  with the people you work with, your clients or customers, your family, your at-large community.




6 Common Communication Mistakes that you might be making:

1.  Not using "we" language.
Newsflash.  Relationships are not a competition.  Or at least they shouldn't be.  When you start to think in terms of "me" and "you", it's time to reframe the conversation and think of yourselves as a team.  Work to solve a problem, not to be victorious.

2. Not giving eye contact.
When people are not looking at us when we talk, how does that make you feel?  Not good, right?  So try living by the golden rule and give other people the same courtesy that you want to be given.

3. Interrupting.
What does it say to someone when you interrupt them?  It says, "What I have to say is more important than what you have to say."  This can be a result of excitement or a desire for power.  Either way, it still says.  "I'm more important than you."

4. Making assumptions before you hear the whole message.
You have probably had the thought, "Oh I don't even have to hear the rest of this - I already know what they're going to say!" Well, maybe you do .... maybe you don't.  Don't do that.  We don't like when people make assumptions about what we are saying, do don't do that to other people either.

5. Not asking probing questions of other people.
Saying things like, "Tell me more about that" or "So how did that make you feel?" lets the other person know that you care about them enough to ask for more information.  That's called a probing question. Ask people to elaborate.  It makes them feel good and shows that you're interested.

6. Needing to "win" an argument.
I repeat.....Relationships are not a competition.  Admitting that you're wrong is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of maturity.  No one is right all of the time.  Don't think you have to "win."  Acknowledging your mistakes will not give away your power.  It shows that you are the better person because you can be honest.

Being a good communicator takes effort.  It's like being a good athlete - you have to practice if you want to be good at your craft!

Are the communicator you need to be?

Ann Meacham is president of Leadership Dynamics.  She works with business leaders to help them see issues that need to be addressed and ensure that the focus is on the big picture.

Sign up for a Free Leadership Strategy Session on her website.  Email a comment to ann@leadyourteams.com  

WHAM!! It Hits You Hard, Straight Out of Left Field

Ever had one of those uncomfortable experiences when a relationship with someone in your network suddenly goes bad without warning? What about the incidents that catch you totally off guard when you receive an email, phone call or letter, informing you that they are ending the relationship because of something they claim you did or did not do? How about when they won't tell you what it was?

What about the incidents in which the person doesn't return your calls or emails, or you detect something's wrong in their voice or tone. Worse yet, they just stop communicating with you altogether, for some reason that is unknown to you. Even others in your network are aware of some sort of problem but won't or can't tell you?

So you try and reach out to them to make amends, even though you're not really sure what it was you did. What if it WAS something you said or did that was unintentional or misinterpreted completely wrong? And of course, there are those incidents in which you make an honest mistake and see that they took your action or words so hurtful that it seems that the damage may be irreversible.

If you're a mover and a shaker in your industry, one of these situations has likely happened to you and it was probably painful, especially if you're the sensitive type. Your network has so many "moving parts" (relationships) that your chances of experiencing one of these bristly events is high. It may have even involved family members.

Initial feelings in the aftermath might be, anger, fear, disappointment (in you OR the other person), and more. You may experience some or all of these uncomfortable emotions, all within a short time period. Eventually, it may hit you in your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings; your self-doubt about who you are and what you are capable of. Your self-esteem may even take a hit. Every flaw you feared you had is now throbbing.

In order to recover quickly, it's important to keep in mind that it may not really have anything to do with you, you just became the object of something that is going on with them. This concept is hard to grasp when you're feeling the hurt. If the other person won't reveal what happened or even if they do, it may be hard to see their point of view. It is best to make any repairs that you may be responsible for, remain open to learning from the experience, and allow yourself to heal.

Have you experienced this yourself? Add a comment to tell your story and describe what you did to heal from the incident. Share with us how you recovered and what, if anything, you learned from the incident. Offer any tips you've learned along the way on how not to take something like this so personal.

Bill Corbett is a professional speaker in the field of behavior and has a degree in clinical psychology from the University of Phoenix. He has been selected to deliver the keynote at a national Dutch conference for teachers and families in September of 2015. Learn more about him at http://StartaSpeakingBusiness.com.

Bill organizes and facilitates the Hartford Springfield Speakers Network in Southern New England so that he can hang out with like-minded professionals. He's the author of 8 books, including the Amazon top selling Kindle book, HOW TO BECOME A CONFERENCE SPEAKER.

The Power of Focusing on the Present.

When was the last time you were talking to someone and they pulled out their cell phone to answer a call or read an email that just pinged its presence? What was your response? Did you think to yourself, “Wow, I would never do that – very disrespectful and unprofessional.” Or did you pull out your own cell phone to check for messages and emails glad the other person reached for theirs first.
We all feel the demands of our jobs. And yes, we have technologies at our disposal that make staying in contact easier, but that’s not the same thing as connecting. Regardless of the excuse you are using – multitasking, juggling priorities, making the most out of the time you have, etc. –be prepared to admit that trying to do everything at once is NOT the best recipe for success.
Consistency builds confidence. When you apply the idea of consistency to the ways you connect with your clients, it builds their confidence in you. Here are five simple consistency solutions that will show your clients how much respect you have for them and their time:

1.  Set specific times for answering phone calls, correspondence, and email. Make sure to communicate your daily ritual to people so they'll have a good idea of when you'll be responding to them. If you absolutely have to interrupt a conversation to take a call, let the person you're speaking to know you might be interrupted before your conversation begins.

2.  When you're in a meeting shut off your portable devices and focus on the meeting. Think about the message you're sending when your phone rings (loud enough for everybody to hear) and you stand up and run out of the room like a rabbit being chased by a hound. Yes, you’re important, we get it. But is that the way you do business? Here one minute – gone the next?

3.  When you're sitting down to focus on work that needs to get done, turn off your cell phone and portable devices, and shut off the email notifications function on your computer. If you've been setting yourself up for success, your clients already know you do this. Nothing beats getting a project done early as the result of your focused thought.

4.  If you have to take calls while you're driving, commit to using a headset or speakerphone. If you need to look at notes – or take notes – please pull over. You're putting both yourself and everyone in the path of your car at risk when you don’t.

5.  Don't restrict these solutions to work. It’s just as rude to interrupt the conversations of family and friends. Turn your devices off when it’s appropriate.
Our devices may put us in contact with each other quicker, but no device can do the job of making the connection that’s necessary for building relationships. Relationships, both professional and personal, are built when you treat people with respect.

Alan Luoma is a Sales Coach and Speaker with extensive experience in industrial sales, sales management, and sales and product training. He holds key accounts with a national sustainable packaging company, is a motivational speaker, and provides sales training to individuals and groups. He is a member of the Hartford Springfield Speakers Network. You can view his profile on LinkedIn, or contact him at Luoma@snet.

Are You Asking the Right Quesitons?

by Ann Meacham

When you are challenged to relate positively with someone at work or at home, there is resistance, or actual conflict, have you asked yourself how you might improve the situation?  Often solutions elude us because we are asking ourselves the wrong questions.

In her book, “change your questions, change your life,” Marilee Adams shared what she calls “Judger” questions.  These questions cause us to come across as argumentative, arrogant and know-it-all.  When you judge, you make it almost impossible for anyone else to make a suggestion or contribution.

Judger Questions:

What’s wrong? Who’s to blame? How can I prove I’m right? Why can’t I be successful?

How could I lose? How can I be in control? Why are they so clueless and frustrating? Why bother?

Notice how you feel when you are having these thoughts (and we all do at times.)  If we’re in the Judger Pit we can feel stuck, overwhelmed, negative, depressed. 

A more productive way of thinking can be inspiring, stimulate curiosity, and create the relationships that will help us succeed.  Consider these:

Learner Questions:

What am I responsible for? What are the facts? What outcome do I want? What are my choices?

What’s useful about this? What can I learn? What is the other person feeling, needing, and wanting? What’s possible?

The natural or normal working of our mind leaves us at the mercy of other people’s opinions, the whims of our own moods, and the negative influences of our upbringing.  When you pause to ask yourself questions, it gives you time to think about the best response or action.

If you want to be successful in your relationships, you must face facts about your role or influence. 

The most effective communication is about 20% telling and 80% asking.  You’d be amazed how many things would improve just by paying attention to that one principle.

The Judger tends to create Win-Lose scenarios.  The Learner creates a Win-Win.  Are you a Judger or a Learner?  How can you tell?

Ann Meacham, president of Leadership Dynamics works with business owners and executives to clear their blind spots so they will know how to succeed in their business. Call her: 860-788-3504  ann@leadyourteams.com  Sign up for a Free Leadership Strategy Session.

Now, Shut Your Mouth To Success

Gossip can be difficult to avoid because it’s all around us. You’d be hard pressed to find a TV show or movie that doesn't have gossip in it. The same goes for books. There are even “news” programs dedicated entirely to gossip.

We’re all guilty too. At one time or another, just about everybody has shared a nice juicy piece of gossip with a coworker—or two. Even if you haven’t been the one doing the talking, you've probably found yourself standing in the break room sharing a good gossipy laugh until the person you’re talking about walks in.

In fact, gossip has become so prevalent that it would be easy to jump to the conclusion that a little gossiping every now and then is perfectly acceptable behavior. Don’t believe it. Gossip can end relationships. In a business setting, gossip can end the business relationship you were counting on for income.

There are definitely times when it’s hard to decide if what someone is saying has crossed the line from being relevant business information over to providing observations or details that are outside the scope of the current situation. You can’t stop people from gossiping. But there are a few rules you can follow so gossip won’t interfere with your ability to build solid and successful business relationships. Here are three:

1.      Don’t say things about other people you wouldn't be willing to say to them directly. This isn't the old adage of only saying good things about other people. In business, sometimes the facts are the facts and they may not always be nice facts. But they are what they are, and sometimes those facts are the difference between securing, keeping, or losing an account. Don’t embellish. Stick with the truth and you won’t have any trouble remembering what you said if you have to repeat it.

2.      Remember that how you speak about your co-workers, business associates, and clients is the way your co-workers, business associates, and clients believe you speak about them in their absence. When you speak well of the people you do business with, you’ll be building business relationships based on trust and respect. That won’t happen if you gossip.

3.      There might be people you’re thinking about doing business with who gossip to you. We all want to be liked, and we definitely want to build our business relationships to increase our income, but don’t give into the gossip game thinking it will help. That’s not to say you shouldn't do business with people who like to gossip. You might find yourself bluffing your way through a few uncomfortable conversations, but stick to your business strengths and ethics.

When you follow simple rules like these, you’ll be putting yourself in a better position to build solid long-term business relationships….  Well, that’s what I heard.

Alan Luoma is a Sales Coach and Speaker with extensive experience in industrial sales, sales management, and sales and product training. He holds key accounts with a national sustainable packaging company, is a motivational speaker, and provides sales training to individuals and groups. He is a member of the Hartford Springfield Speakers Network. You can view his profile on LinkedIn, or contact him at Luoma@snet.net.

How to Manage Your Clients

Say what??  It seems a little alien to think about going beyond providing quality services, being punctual, warm, friendly and very competent.  However, you can foster a relationship with your clients by better understanding their communication style and personality; making sure you understand what they want from you; giving them thoughtful feedback and ideas; and being reliable.

Help them understand what their part is in the success of a project or program.  Be honest (blunt) about how long it might take and how much it is likely to cost.  As the saying goes, “Under promise and over deliver.”  It will keep them coming back for more!

Managing your client is about earning their trust and respect by working together to create the best possible working relationship.

A few tips to strengthening and keeping a positive relationship with your clients.

• Learn how to best communicate with them.

What level of detail do they prefer?  How often do they want to meet?  Are they in a hurry or do they prefer to study the details?

• Be proactive.

Understand the strengths you bring to the work and ensure they are aware of them. Be confident and open-minded and not arrogant.

• Meet regularly.  

Keep them up to date on what is happening with their project.  Share as much as you can without burdening them with too much detail. Show progress and keep to time lines as much as possible.

• Ask their opinion.  

Ask for their perspective on things.  Share your ideas and planned approach, and ask for their input. Ask for their feedback and ideas.  Be sure to listen!

• Create solutions.

Every project can have challenges or problems.  When that occurs, develop solution choices before sharing the problem with them.  If they have a complaint, look at ways to solve it. Don’t defend yourself or your company.  No excuses. Just make it right.

• Develop a power that makes you attractive.

Be the expert, stay apprised of changes in your industry, understand the competition, create and sustain a dream customer/client relationship. Become indispensable! Market and utilize a strength that they will appreciate and use.

• Do a reality check

Remain positive and let them know what is possible – or not possible – to achieve.  Make every effort to be outstanding…..within reality.

Invest the time to build a relationship with your clients, understand how they prefer to be communicated with, and model your leadership behaviors to support those preferences.  They will trust you more because of it!

Ann Meacham, president of Leadership Dynamics,works with CEOs and business leaders to clear their blind spots so they can identify the issues that need to be addressed and focus on making their business succeed. 

Contact her for a Free Leadership Strategy Session. or call 860-788-3504 www.leadyourteams.com