Want More Referrals? Start Living the “Givers Get” Mindset

 

If you've spent any time networking as a small business owner, you've probably met people who walk into every event wondering, "What can I get out of this?" While that approach might seem logical, the most successful networkers often think differently. They live by a simple principle: Givers Get.

 The idea behind "Givers Get" is straightforward. Instead of focusing on what others can do for you, focus first on how you can help them. When you consistently provide value, make introductions, share resources, and support other business owners, they remember you and the referrals start coming your way.

Think about it. People naturally want to do business with people they know, like, and trust. When you take the time to help someone without immediately expecting anything in return, you're building trust. And if you read my last blog, trust is one of the most valuable currencies in business.

For small business owners, this mindset can be especially powerful. Unlike large corporations with massive marketing budgets, local businesses often grow through relationships and referrals. A single introduction to the right customer, accountant, real estate agent, contractor, or business owner can lead to opportunities for years to come.

Let's say you meet someone at a networking event who's looking for a service you don't provide. Instead of simply moving on, you introduce them to someone in your network who can help. You may not earn a dollar from that introduction today, but you've demonstrated that you're a resource and a connector. People remember that.

The "Givers Get" philosophy also helps strengthen your reputation in the community. Over time, others begin to see you as someone who genuinely wants others to succeed. That reputation can open doors that traditional advertising never could.

One mistake many business owners make is keeping score. They help someone once and expect immediate results. That's not how relationship-based networking works. "Givers Get" is about playing the long game. Some referrals may come back next week. Others may come back next year. The important thing is to focus on creating value rather than counting transactions.

A simple way to practice this mindset is to ask better questions when networking. Instead of leading with a sales pitch, ask: "Who would be a good connection for you?" and “who are your Spheres of Influence”. Then… listen carefully and look for ways to help. Sometimes that help may be an introduction. Sometimes it may be advice, information, or simply encouragement.

The best part is that "Givers Get" doesn't require a large investment. It simply requires a willingness to be helpful, authentic, and generous with your time and connections.  In a world where many people are focused on selling, those who focus on serving often stand out. And that's why "Givers Get" remains one of the most effective networking principles for small business owners. Help enough people reach their goals, and you'll be surprised how many people are willing to help you reach yours. 

Networking isn't about collecting business cards. It's about building relationships. When you lead with a "Givers Get" mindset, you create trust, strengthen your reputation, and build a network that benefits everyone involved. That's a win for you, a win for your connections, and a win for your business.

Mark Harrington is co-owner of Horizon Home Mortgage since 2007 and SMJ Insurance (an Allstate Ins. Agency) since 2011.  My passion is helping homeowners and those who want to own a home achieve their homeownership goals in CT and MA.  I also specialize in Reverse Mortgages.  I am a self-proclaimed ‘Power Networker’ and ‘Demographic Nerd’.

Horizon Home Mortgage is a mortgage broker only, not a mortgage lender or mortgage correspondent lender.  CT License#16745 & MA License#MB69164

 

We Have Flashlights!        

I grew up in the 1960s with a mom and dad who were both very hard workers. My mom was usually at home, making sure there was food on the table when my dad returned from his full-time job, often around three or four o’clock in the afternoon.

But my dad was a little different because his workday didn’t always end when he came home. He looked for ways to earn a little extra money so our family could enjoy some of the extras in life—great vacations and experiences that created memories I still carry with me today.

As an eight- or nine-year-old boy, I didn’t always understand that.

After school, I wanted to be with my friends, playing baseball, touch football, or simply being a kid. But when my dad came home, I usually knew what was coming next.

Back then, he didn’t have a pickup truck. We had a big car with a large trunk, and into that trunk we loaded lawnmowers, rakes, brooms, tarps, shrub shears, and whatever else we needed for a landscaping job. Then I would hear it.

My dad’s whistle.

I knew exactly what that whistle meant. It was time to leave my friends and go to work with Dad. Did that always make me happy? Absolutely not.

There were even a few times when I stayed behind and let him go by himself. And you know what? I regretted it. Playing with my friends wasn’t quite as much fun when I knew my father was out there working alone.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my father was teaching me about responsibility—about stepping up and helping when your family needed you. But there was another lesson he was teaching me that I wouldn’t fully understand until many years later. At the end of every landscaping job, my father did what I called his “walk-around.”

We might finish working around 7:30 or 8:00 on a summer evening. I would help Dad put the rakes, brooms, tarps, and equipment back into the car. In my mind, the job was finished.  Not in Dad’s mind.

Before we left, he walked around the property and inspected our work. And if something wasn’t right, I would hear those dreaded words:

“Johnny, get out of the car. It’s time to unload. We’re going to finish this job right.” UGH!!!

 I hated hearing that! Did I complain? Yes. Did I sometimes act up? Absolutely. I was eight or nine years old. I wanted to go home, watch television, or get back to my friends. But what I didn’t understand was that Dad was teaching me a lesson I would still be carrying more than 60 years later:  If you are going to do a job, do it right.

There is one particular night I will never forget.

We had completed a landscaping job for a family who had been away on vacation. I believe it was a Saturday or Sunday evening when they called my father. They were disappointed because some of the shrubs hadn’t been trimmed the way they expected. By then, it was dark outside. So, I figured we get to it another day…… FAT CHANCE!
My father looked at me and said, “Johnny, we’re going out.” 
I looked at him as though he were crazy.  “Dad, it’s dark outside!” His answer was simple.

“We have flashlights.”

So, we loaded up the car and went back out to that house. I held the flashlight while my father recut the shrubs, cleaned everything up, and made the job right for those customers.

Was I frustrated? Of course I was. I probably would have preferred to be home watching The Beverly Hillbillies or whatever television show happened to be on that night. But standing there in the darkness, holding that flashlight for my father, I was learning one of the most important lessons of my life. When you give someone your word and agree to do a job, give them the best you have. And when something isn’t right, don’t make excuses.

Go back and make it right.

I lost my dad seven years ago this month. In our final moments together, he said something to me I will carry for the rest of my life: “Johnny, thank you for everything you’ve ever done to help me out, you were always there for me.”

Those may have been the greatest words my father could ever have said to me. I was blessed to be there with him at the end.
As a child, I didn’t always understand my parents or the sacrifices they made. Sometimes the lessons they taught me came through frustration. Sometimes they came through hard work. And sometimes they came through a simple sentence spoken by a father to his young son. More than 60 years later, I understand.

Life will always have dark moments. There will always be problems to solve, mistakes to correct, and times when doing the right thing isn’t necessarily the easiest or most convenient thing to do. But perhaps my father’s answer still applies:

We have flashlights.  Find a way. Do your best. Take responsibility.  And if something isn’t right, go back and make it right.  Because it’s the right thing to do.

John P. Slosek Jr. — The Insurance Coach®

©2026 John P. Slosek Jr. All Rights Reserved.

About the Author                                                       

 John P. Slosek Jr. is the founder of Slosek Insurance Corporation, established in 1984 and still serving clients today. For more than 40 years, John has worked in the insurance industry helping individuals, families, and business owners better understand protection, risk, and financial responsibility. In addition to operating his and his wife’s insurance agency, John has spent over 30 years as a motivational and self-improvement speaker, focusing on common-sense life lessons, personal growth, and real-world decision-making. John is also the host of The Insurance Coach® radio show, heard every Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. on Classic Hits 97.7. www.classichits977.com (Hit Listen Live). The program combines insurance education, life experiences, motivational insight, and practical advice designed to help listeners make better decisions for themselves and their families. John proudly resides in Massachusetts with his family and enjoys spending time with his children, grandchildren and his two Golden Doodles Maggie & Morgan.

Leap and a Net Will Appear...

Written by Lisa A. Barrett, M.S., LPC, ATR

Speaker | Author | Coach | Artist | Podcast Guest

For many of us, the idea of taking a leap can evoke fear-or, at the very least, caution-in both our professional and personal lives. Yet, to bring our dreams, desires, and goals into reality, at some point we must be willing to move into the unknown. And for many people, the unknown represents a place where they no longer feel completely in control.

That is why we may remain safely within our comfort zones, even when we aren't particularly happy there. We listen to the voice of the ego-what I sometimes refer to as "Edging Goodness Out"-and postpone or

resist the quiet beckoning of our own truth.

Perhaps you've heard yourself say:

"I've always wanted to go to Costa Rica."

"I have an idea that could really improve efficiency in my industry."

"I've wanted to collaborate with that person for a long time."

"I've always wanted to take cooking classes because I have such a passion for food."

And yet, we wait.

The truth is, this day will never come again.

So, what holds us back from taking that leap?

When the Unknown Feels Uncomfortable

Our minds naturally seek familiarity and predictability. When we contemplate stepping outside what is known and comfortable, uncertainty can trigger our stress response and bring up thoughts of fear, doubt, or

"What if?"

This is where we can easily become stuck.

But what if, rather than allowing those thoughts to make the decision for us, we learned how to pause and

respond differently?

This is at the heart of what I teach through Calm Clarity, found in the Neutral Zone: creating enough space between the emotional reaction and our response to consider another possibility.

What if I could do this?

What might happen if I took just one step?

What is my next right move?

The Leap Doesn't Have to Be Huge

Moving toward a dream or goal doesn't require changing your entire life overnight. In fact, it can be much simpler than our fearful thoughts would have us believe.

Start small.

Small, intentional action steps can make change feel more manageable and less overwhelming. Today, we also have extraordinary access to information and technology, including AI tools, that can help us research, learn, organize ideas, explore possibilities, and identify resources as we move forward.

Define your goal.

Write it down.

Allow yourself to believe in its possibility.

Create a mental image of what achieving it might look like-even if it is only a brief picture that flashes through your mind-and connect that image with a positive emotion.

Ask yourself:

If this were possible, what would it feel like?

Move into a place of openness, curiosity, and possibility.

Return to that place regularly. Quiet the fearful thoughts long enough to hear what I call your heart-centered truth.

Then take an action step.

It might be as simple as sending one email, spending ten minutes researching an idea, writing down the next few steps toward your goal, making a phone call, asking for an introduction, or using today's technology to find information, inspiration, or connection.

 

One step.

And then another.

Trusting Yourself Is Part of the Leap

Often, the greatest leap isn't external at all.

It is learning to trust yourself enough to give yourself permission to pursue what is calling you.

There are no guarantees that every dream will unfold exactly as we imagine. Sometimes the path changes. Sometimes what we discover along the way leads us somewhere entirely unexpected. But when we are willing to move forward, we discover something else.

We grow.

We become more courageous.

We develop greater confidence in our ability to navigate uncertainty.

And we often discover strengths and capabilities within ourselves that we didn't know were there.

Perhaps that, my friends, is the proverbial "Net."

Continue the Journey

These concepts are central to my book, How to Live an Empowered Life: Easy and Daily Practical Tools, where I share accessible tools designed to help you move from emotional reactivity toward Calm Clarity, reframe situations, and approach your personal and professional life from a more empowered place.

I am also available for professional speaking engagements, workshops, and individual coaching for professionals, parents, and educators.

Connect with Lisa A. Barrett, M.S., LPC, ATR

https://www.touchedbyart.net/

linkedin.com/in/lisa-barrett-lpc-atr-2266a421

https://www.youtube.com/@CalmClarity-LisaBarrett

 

https://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Empowered-Life-Practical/dp/B0G33GPQML

From Emotional Reactivity to Calm Clarity.

Travel in Time with Dan: Interview from the Past with William Gillette

 🎤 Travel in Time: Dan Blanchard Interviews William Gillette

Location: Gillette Castle- East Haddam, CT – Year: Timeless*

Visionaries Build What Others Can’t Yet See

Dan Blanchard:
Good afternoon, Mr. Gillette. What a surreal experience it is to be here, sitting inside this fantastical castle of yours! Before we dive in, can I ask—why a castle, and why here?

William Gillette:
(laughs softly) Why not? I spent years in the public eye, dear Dan—bright lights, long tours, every hotel room like the last. I needed a sanctuary. And I didn’t want a dull country house like everyone else. I wanted something… uniquely me. This bluff overlooking the Connecticut River? The perfect canvas.

Dan:
You certainly made a masterpiece. Forty-seven different doors, trick locks, secret passages, and mirrors—were those just for fun, or was there a deeper purpose behind the eccentric design?

William Gillette:
Ah! Both. Life is far too short for ordinary doors, my friend. The truth is, I wanted to amuse myself. But also—this castle reflects the inner workings of my mind. Creativity, privacy, control… perhaps a hint of mischief. It’s a reflection of a life lived on my own terms.

Dan:
You definitely lived boldly. But I heard your path to success wasn’t easy. Your parents didn’t support your dream of acting. How did you keep going?

William Gillette:
They thought acting was a fool’s errand. Wanted me to follow politics or law. But I had no interest in becoming a replica of someone else’s expectations. I had a voice. I had a vision. And when Mark Twain—dear neighbor from Nook Farm—offered me a role in The Gilded Age, well… that was the match to my fire. I seized it.

Dan:
And it led to your legendary portrayal of Sherlock Holmes. Some say you defined the detective as we know him.

William Gillette:
A curious turn, isn’t it? “Elementary, my dear Watson”—yes, that line was mine. The pipe, the posture, the mysterious demeanor… I invented what the world now imagines when they think of Holmes. But more than that, I proved that an American actor could lead the world stage. That hadn’t been done before.

Dan:
You truly put America on the theatrical map. And then you retreated here, to build what many called your “castle of dreams.” What leadership lesson do you think your life and this home teach?

William Gillette:
Vision, Dan. Leadership is vision. Everyone sees what is. But leaders? We build what others can’t even imagine yet. You don’t ask for permission. You create. Boldly. Unapologetically. Even eccentrically.

Dan:
I love that. “Build what others can’t yet see.” Now… what’s the deal with the train that once ran around the property?

William Gillette:
Oh, yes—the miniature steam train! Delightful, wasn’t it? Three miles of track winding through woods and tunnels. I built it to entertain guests, but honestly, it delighted me most of all. It was playful. Mechanical. Joyful. Why not indulge in wonder?

Dan:
It’s like you built your own leadership playground. You even had early Hollywood legends visit here, didn’t you?

William Gillette:
Indeed. Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, and others. This place wasn’t just a retreat—it was a lab. I dabbled in lighting experiments, reflections, and shadows. Silent films were rising, and I wanted to understand how visual storytelling could move an audience, just like theater did. Film needed new tools. I was happy to invent some.

Dan:
A visionary, an innovator, and an artist. Mr. Gillette, what would you say to young people today—especially those told their ideas are “too different” or “too impractical”?

William Gillette:
(smiling) I’d say: nonsense. If people understand your vision right away, it probably isn’t bold enough. Build it anyway. Create what you must create. And remember—every door can open to something wondrous, even if the lock looks peculiar.

Dan:
I think you just gave us all permission to get a little more creative and a little less conventional. Thank you, Mr. Gillette—for your time, your legacy, and for teaching us that real leadership doesn’t just follow the script—it writes the next act.

William Gillette:
Well said, Mr. Blanchard. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe I have a few guests still trying to figure out how to open the liquor cabinet.

(both laugh)

www.GranddaddysSecrets.com

Calm First, Perform Better: How to Buy Yourself Time Without Losing Credibility

By Mary-Anne Schelb
Bringing Calm to the Chaos

There is a certain pressure that happens when someone asks for an answer before you feel ready to give one.

It might happen in a meeting.  A client asks a question you were not expecting. A supervisor wants your opinion on a decision. A coworker turns to you for input. Someone sends an email with the words, “Can you let me know today?” Or you are on a call and suddenly feel the full attention of the conversation shift toward you.

In that moment, many professionals feel an immediate internal push to respond quickly.

Say something.
Have the answer.
Do not look uncertain.
Do not disappoint anyone.
Do not make it awkward.

So we answer before we have had enough time to think.

Sometimes the answer is fine.
But sometimes, the faster response is not the better one.

Sometimes we agree too quickly. Sometimes we over-explain. Sometimes we commit to a timeline we cannot realistically meet. Sometimes we give an answer that feels confident in the moment, but later realize we needed more information, more time, or more clarity.

That is where a professional pause becomes powerful.

Fast Is Not Always Strong

In many work environments, speed is often mistaken for competence.  The quickest response can seem like the strongest response.  The immediate yes can seem like the most helpful answer.  The person who speaks first can appear prepared.  But true professionalism is not only about speed.

It is also about discernment.

Can you recognize when a question needs more thought?
Can you notice when pressure is influencing your response?
Can you give yourself enough room to answer with accuracy, clarity, and intention?

There is nothing weak about needing a moment.

In fact, knowing when to pause can strengthen your credibility because it shows that you are not just reacting to pressure. You are thinking about the quality of the response.

The Pressure to Answer Immediately

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that hesitation looks unprepared.

So we fill the space.
We speak before we are grounded.
We respond to the emotion of the moment instead of the actual request.
We say yes because saying yes feels easier than creating a pause.

But a thoughtful pause does not make you look unsure when it is communicated well.  It can make you look measured, professional, and responsible.  There is a difference between avoiding an answer and creating space for a better one.

Avoidance is vague.
A professional pause is clear.

Avoidance leaves people wondering.
A professional pause tells people what to expect next.

Avoidance delays without direction.
A professional pause protects the quality of the decision, the communication, and the follow-through.

Calm Helps You Choose Your Response

When we feel put on the spot, the body often responds before the mind has fully assessed the situation.

The heart may speed up.
The breath may shorten.
The mind may race.

We may feel the urge to rescue the moment by answering immediately, even if we are not ready.

This is exactly when calm matters.

Calm gives you enough internal space to ask:

Do I actually have enough information to answer this?
Am I responding from clarity or pressure?
What would be the most professional next step?

Those questions can prevent a rushed yes, an unclear answer, or a commitment that creates more stress later.

The goal is not to delay everything.
The goal is to respond with intention.

The Professional Pause

Here is a simple tool you can use when you need time to think but still want to maintain credibility.

It has three parts:

Acknowledge. Create space. Commit to the next step.

First, acknowledge.

Let the other person know you heard them and that the issue matters.

You might say:

“I understand this is important.”

Or:

“That is a good question.”

Or:

“I can see why we need to clarify this.”

Acknowledgment lowers tension because it communicates that you are not dismissing the request.

Second, create space.

This is where you give yourself permission to think.

You might say:

“I want to give you a thoughtful answer.”

Or:

“I would like to review the details before I respond.”

Or:

“I do not want to rush this and miss something important.”

This part is key. You are not simply saying, “I don’t know.”  You are showing that the answer deserves attention.

Third, commit to the next step.

This is what makes the pause professional instead of vague.

You might say:

“Let me review this and get back to you by tomorrow morning.”

Or:

“I can look at the numbers and follow up by the end of the day.”

Or:

“Let me confirm the details first, and I will send you a response this afternoon.”

Now the other person knows what will happen next.  You have created space without losing momentum.

Simple Phrases That Protect Your Credibility

Sometimes it helps to have language ready before you need it.

Here are a few professional pause phrases you can use in meetings, calls, emails, or conversations:

• “I want to answer that thoughtfully. Let me take a closer look and get back to you.”
• “Before I give you a firm answer, I want to make sure I have the right information.”
• “That deserves a clear response. Let me review it and follow up by tomorrow.”
• “I can give you an initial thought now, but I would like to confirm the details before making a final decision.”
• “I do not want to rush the answer. Let me come back to you with something more complete.”

These phrases are calm.
They are professional.
They are clear.

And they allow you to stay in integrity with your response instead of being pushed into an answer before you are ready.

A Pause Can Be a Leadership Skill

The ability to pause is not just useful in one conversation.

It is a leadership skill.
It helps prevent unnecessary mistakes.
It protects relationships.
It supports clearer decisions.
It teaches others that thoughtful communication has value.

And it gives you a way to stay grounded even when the pace around you is moving quickly.  In a world that often rewards immediate reaction, the person who can pause with confidence brings something important into the room.

Steadiness.

That steadiness can change the energy of a conversation.  It can also change the quality of the outcome.

Calm First. Then Answer Better.

You do not have to answer every question the moment it is asked.
You do not have to fill every silence.
You do not have to prove your competence by rushing your response.

Sometimes the most professional thing you can say is:

“I want to give this the attention it deserves.”

That sentence creates space.
It protects clarity.
It honors the importance of the conversation.
And it allows you to respond from calm rather than pressure.

Calm first.

Then pause with confidence.

Then perform better.

---

About the Author

Mary-Anne Schelb is a Life Coach, Holistic Lifestyle Consultant, Holistic Health Practitioner, and founder of Intentional Calm. Through her work, Mary-Anne helps busy professionals calm the chaos, reduce stress, and move forward with more clarity, steadiness, and intention.

She is the creator of the Intentional Calm Method™, a practical framework that blends holistic wellness, nervous-system support, mindfulness, energy work, journaling, and intentional living tools to help people return to center and make clearer, more grounded decisions. She is also the author of the book, Calming the Chaos: The Intentional Calm Method™.

In addition to her holistic wellness practice, Mary-Anne is an educator, speaker, and workshop facilitator. Her signature message is simple: calm is not a luxury — it is a lifeline.

Learn more at IntentionalCalm.com.