Expanding and Growing the Dream

A key point I consistently make in my presentations as a speaker is that we have an infinite amount of dreams within us, every one of them calling to be acknowledged.

As I have seen for myself and so many clients over the years, some dreams are there simply to remind us to dream. They kick us out of survival mode, or bring us back to living far out of the box, to living rather than surviving. Consequently, some will never be actualized but they call us to become more and in the process of achieving them we realize that dream was only the precursor to something far more authentically us or far more expansive than we ever could have imagined.

Regardless of your dream, regardless of the area you are being called to, does it bring you alive? Does it call you to develop skills you haven’t yet developed? To expand your self-image far beyond where you are today? If so, jump in!  Do not let fear get in the way trying to remind you of all your limitations, or your failings in the past. Look to your strengths and the realization that so called failures are life-lessons waiting to be learned in a way we will never forget. They are preparation for the future.

I have gone from speaking to church groups for free in 1985 so that I could develop a psychotherapy practice, terrified of making a mistake or of looking inept and God forbid, like a beginner to now being seen in 9 countries. The reality is I was a beginner and certainly looked that way. How amazing then, that after 3 months I nonetheless had developed a private practice seeing 42 patients a week and with a 6 month waiting list that lasted 17 years until I moved out of the country.

No matter what your level of expertise, if you are a professional it grows, develops, and calls you to keep on reaching for greater and greater skills while also calling you to service.I am now president of the National Speakers Association – CT chapter. Who could have known that terrified women behind the podium would now be supporting others in growing to a level she never imagined.

What’s your dream? What’s your level of sought after expertise? How are you going to achieve it?  We are never done. There is always so much more to learn and so much personal growth to achieve. From sunrise to sunset the dreams, the skills, and the personal growth bring such joy and such peace if they truly are calling you to become everything you were meant to be.

Never stop growing and evolving, life is far too short to get it all in. Relax, breathe, and jump in. The water’s fine!  

Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD - From Dreams to Transformation                                                         askdrdorothy.com                  dorothy@askdrdorothy.com                   860-543-5629

Recipe for Mediocrity

Hello Speakers, Business Owners, Future Entrepreneurs and Big Dreamers,  

 The United States has a $1.5 billion annual destruction problem. This destruction problem is caused by crazy wild pigs. These wild pigs, also known as "Wild Boar" are the culprits and they occupy 47 states in our country. They are one of the most invasive species known to mankind.

Some of these wild boar weigh between 450 to 600 pounds, and can run as fast as 35 miles an hour. They have sharp tusks that can grow up to 4 inches long and can snap a human leg like a small tree branch in seconds. They literally eat anything their path, eggs, berries, wood, small animals, waste, and possibly inexperienced hunters. They are truly wild and highly dangerous. The following story is a bit of fact and fiction.

Just ask one town in Millstone, Utah, a farming community that was  ravaged by these creatures. The town finally came together and pooled their money so they could seek out the most experienced hunters they could find to solve this wild boar overpopulation problem. They combined thousands of dollars to hire a team of the best hunters. The day came when these experienced hunters rolled into town their shiny trucks, plus a multitude of equipment and a team of hunters dressed in what looked like SWAT gear. They took the money town residents compiled and they headed into the woods to do their deed. Just about a week later they came out of the woods, but were not as enthusiastic as when they were entering the woods,  their vehicles were dented and damaged, hunters were hurt, equipment was damaged along with their egos and the results were dismal. Only a couple of wild boar were dead in the back of one of their trucks. They just kept rolling through town and never stopped and never came back. The town of Millstone was at their wits end and almost out of money. So they put an ad in the paper, labeled: "ANYONE" that can help our town eradicate "Wild Pigs!!!" PLEASE RESPOND!

About a week later, this old rickety flatbed truck comes rolling in to Millstone. Behind the wheel of the truck sat this old timer long with white hair and a dirty white beard with a stub of a cigar sticking out of the corner of his mouth. He pulled up to Town Hall and said to the authorities:

“I’m here to get the pigs.”

They came outside to see his equipment and they were flabbergasted to see he had a 40-year-old rusted flatbed truck stacked with a lot of lumber, boxes and boxes of nails, and bags of feed that probably weighed close to 3000 pounds. The authorities said to the old man "you must be kidding, you're going to kill yourself, go home now". The old man just stared at them and got in his truck and headed into the woods to get the pigs.

About a week later, this rickety old truck began to make its way out of the woods on this dirt mountain road heading into the town of Millstone. Front tires of the truck were lifting up because it had so many dead Wild Boar on the back of it.

The old geezer got out of the truck with that unlit cigar sticking on a corner of his mouth and the town residents asked him how he was able to accomplish this?

The Old Man stood there in front of everybody and said it was quite simple. The other hunters you hired thought they could meet these Wild Boar head-on with big guns and fancy equipment, maybe, in some cases it will work. These animals are born killers and every waking moment of their life is about the hunt it's about bringing food back to their sounder to feed their young. Wild Boar are just about the most ambitious motivated creature on planet Earth.

I just taught them how to become mediocre.

The first day I showed up I found a small open field and pulled my truck up in the middle of the field. I opened up about 300 pounds of feed and dumped it in the middle of the field. And I went and sat in my truck for the rest of the day. Throughout the night I could see a few of these wild boar going to the pile of feed the following night it quadrupled. On day three, I took my lumber and made two sides of the fence connecting them in an L shape fashion and I dumped about another 500 pounds of feed in the corner and headed back to my truck for the night. I estimate at least two dozen wild boar were on the scene. On day four, I built side three of the fence connecting it to side one and side two. Now I had this U-shaped corral and then filled the corral with about 1000 pounds of feed. That night, I assumed at least four dozen wild boar were on the scene. On day five, I built the final side of the fence and left it lying on the ground and I dumped the rest of the feed that night into the corral. Just as expected the boar trotted into corral to feast on the feed and when that happened I propped up side four the fence and backed my truck up against it and trapped them. As I looked into the corral some of them were so full they were sleeping. I stood on the truck and it was just like shooting fish in a barrel except this time shooting wild pigs in the corral.

The old man said mediocrity isn't something you're born with he stated “it's an environment.” It's who you hang around with and what your tuned into every day. The environment becomes a part of you and you a part of it. Once it influences you over time it grows into habit. If that habit stays with you then you have ordained your destiny.

These wild boar were not use to getting something handed to them, they are born hunters. But each night, they could run into the middle of the field and they became comfortable getting something for nothing. I created a lazy environment for them. “I’ve learned one thing in my 70 years and that's if you give something to somebody continually as a hand out you will drain their drive, their perseverance and their will. Then you have them relegated to be dependent on that environment. This environment was mediocrity. 
That is how I caught the wild boar.        

Next Blog July 25, 2015.

 “The Insurance Coach”

      John P. Slosek, Jr 

   "The Insurance Coach ™"
Insurance Coach Radio Show 
Airs Every Saturday Morning 8am 

   www.realoldies1250.net          413-246-5037

Find me on Facebook".https://www.facebook.com/theinsurancecoach 

Step 5: Bringing it all Together

Now that the major steps are done, and from the outside it looks as if the launch of your dream is ready to go, I have found that many dreamers reach this point and the next anxiety, if not panic, appears.

I commonly hear, “I found one more book I need to read to be ready to go.”  “There is an expert coming into town that I need to hear before I am ready.” I just want to review everything again for the fiftieth time to know I really have it down, that I haven’t forgotten anything, that all the bases are covered, etc. etc. etc.”  Believe me, you will never have all the bases covered.

No matter how well you have prepared something shows up. As a speaker I have had the building literally lose all power just before my PowerPoint was to start. I have found that a new rule was instituted that morning that Thumb Drives could not be used due to a fear of viruses and thus I should have brought my laptop. I have had the conference itself running very late and so I was asked to make my 60 minute talk a 30 minute talk to help them get back on track.

The unexpected can always happen. Expect it. You breathe, step back a moment, go to Plan B, and then adjust. If you have truly done everything you could, you will learn far more from the experience. You will also learn that no matter what happens chances are high you will be fine. This is where humor, faith, and a good sense of self come into play.

You have dreamed it. You have claimed it. And you have focused on it, almost exclusively.  Now it is time to simply jump!!!!!! 

Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD, is a motivational speaker, author, coach, and psychotherapist who has spent her career helping others, through humor and faith, claim their dreams, eliminate self-sabotage, and become everything they were meant to be.

She can be reached at: drdorothyct.com    dorothy@drdorothyct.com   860-543-5629   

Step 3: Create a Personal identity

Once your dream has been discovered, and the next stage of your life is defined, it must move from a concept, a dream, into a very present day reality. To begin that, you need to first truly own it, long before you even begin the process of making it a reality. “I would like to be a speaker.” feels dramatically different in your body that “I am a speaker.”

I worked with a woman who presented as wanting to become a teacher. She felt it was what she was called to do yet she had no idea where to even begin. Her approach was longing, hopeful, and fearful that it wouldn't happen.  I had her, each day, spend 5 minutes in meditation or reflection, in owning that she was a teacher, it was in her blood, she now simply needed the training and qualifications to do what she came here to do. More than once she told me that this attitude caused her to see the obstacles that arose as inconveniences rather than as stopping blocks that would prove she was on the wrong track.

Research has shown us that between 60 – 90 days is what it takes to shift a habit or a belief. Owning that new reality, “I am retiring”, “I am moving”, “I am a speaker” causes all the existing fears to come up in order to be dealt with rather than having them unconsciously sabotage your dreams. This clears the way.  

Form that new identity and you will begin to experience the freedom, expansion, and unlimited possibility it provides. 

Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD, is a motivational speaker, author, coach, and psychotherapist who has spent her career helping others, through humor and faith, claim their dreams, eliminate self-sabotage, and become everything they were meant to be.

She can be reached at: drdorothyct.com    dorothy@drdorothyct.com   860-543-5629   

Step 2: Discovering Your True Values

Once you have put the fears and negative messaging in place it’s time to really look within as you define your dream and where it is your heart and soul are calling you to go. 

What is it that feeds you? What is it that makes you feel alive, powerful, and lets you know that you are truly doing what you came here to do? So many have said to me “I don’t know how to find my dream or my purpose.” In truth, after talking with them, what was happening was that they were in conflict with what they felt called to do and with what their values were. Never question or challenge your integrity yet realize that your values will be changing throughout your life.

At one point in your life, being close to family may have been the greatest value you possessed yet as you grew moving to another town or a big city may have been the calling. You may have thought that being an at-home mom was what you wanted, or you may have thought that climbing the tallest corporate latter was what your life was about. Each of those dreams may or may not have been achieved yet do they really define who you are now? Have your values changed in spite of you? Are you feeling pulled so that no matter which decision you make it feels wrong?  In this case you will never be at peace.

Having permission to realign your values, to catch up with who you are and where you’re going is imperative if you are to truly become who you are meant to be. This takes time, clear thinking, and perhaps someone to discuss this with. Find a solution you can live with, that encompasses all of who you have become. If it’s your dream it is always possible.  

Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD, is a motivational speaker, author, coach, and psychotherapist who has spent her career helping others, through humor and faith, claim their dreams, eliminate self-sabotage, and become everything they were meant to be.

She can be reached at: drdorothyct.com    dorothy@drdorothyct.com   860-543-5629   

Step One: Eliminating the Energy Drains - Their's and Your's

You know it is time for your next dream when you start feeling restless where you are.

It’s time to either expand or move beyond your current dream when life becomes a series of rote activities and your passion and purpose appear lost. You have simply outgrown your current state of existence and now the price of growth is, as  always, change and a willingness to jump off the next cliff, no matter how frightening or unsettling.

Wonderfully, discovering your next dream can fill you with a great sense of clarity, freedom, fluidity and joy. You know you're there because your energy reflects it. Sharing that however, in proclaiming your newly realized dream to friends and family, without a doubt, will inevitably mean someone or some ones will “know” even before you begin that the dream is impossible, unrealistic, or filled with flawed thinking. Someone knows someone who tried it and it failed. At best, those folks will just knock the winds out of your sails yet sadly at times they can cause you to rethink, doubt, and abandon what just moments ago felt like a fantastic next step.

Anticipate that those who rarely allow themselves to dream, even with good intent, may want to protect you from dreaming and what they perceive to be the inevitable failure. (Thus the reason they don’t allow themselves to dream.) When those who are fear-filled, or apathetic in life dispense their “wisdom” look back into your life and instead of playing your own tapes of inadequacy, unpreparedness, limitedness, and so forth, literally make a list of every dream you have had so far, every wish you have lived, and realize that once you have achieved a dream, you know what to do for the next. Once you have trusted you and won, the next dream is just a few known steps away.

Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD, is a motivational speaker, author, coach, and psychotherapist who has spent her career helping others, through humor and faith, claim their dreams, eliminate self-sabotage, and become everything they were meant to be.

She can be reached at: drdorothyct.com    dorothy@drdorothyct.com   860-543-5629   

The Hallway of Choices



A passage way seems to be in view at the end of this hallway. The passage way is a metaphor representing your chief definite aim in life, your ultimate goal or that "one thing" in life that you must have before you die. At the end of this hallway the "one thing" you seek awaits for you to show up.
There are hundreds of doors leading up to that passage to your goal. The doors on the left represent sacrifices, disciplines, hard work, commitment, integrity, good habits, good environments, pursuit of education and faith based decisions. The doors on the right represent no true life structure, bad habits, poor effort, lack of education, addictive natures, terrible environments, lack of faith, poor attitude and continued bad decisions. The right side correlates to a failure mindset and zero results outcome.
Our life is the sum of our choices and disciplines over the last year, last five years and last 10 years.
How would you sum up your life accomplishments in 2014, have you improved or have you suffered setbacks?
As you gaze down the hallway in the picture above, what is that "one thing" you want to accomplish in 2015? To accomplish great things you may have to leave old environments behind and eliminate bad habits that may be holding you back. You need to make the right decisions not just once and a while but all the time. If you have been in and out of the doors on the right side it is time to cross the hallway and start entering the doors on the left side. Start right now with setting a plan for yourself. Copy and paste this picture on your computer or journal and write that "one thing" you will pursue in 2015. SET OUT TO ACCOMPLISH THIS "ONE THING" NO MATTER WHAT!
The following is my Pattern for Successful Change.
This is "Golden Nugget #3" .
1. Purchase a Good Journal: Document your life progress everyday. Commit to 15 minutes of journalizing everyday. It should become your biography of change.
2. Define that "One Thing": Write it in your Journal. What is it that your going to attempt in 2015? What will make you truly happy so that you will enjoy this ride through life?
3. Leave the right side of the hallway mentioned above: In the month of January make a commitment to eliminate the worst habit you have in life. "Do not make this a New Years resolution! Make it your personal commitment to you!" If you're successful in eliminating the first bad habit, attack the next bad habit you have in the month of February. If you haven't eliminated your first one in January stay with it. In fact, if you only eliminate one bad habit in 2015 you should consider yourself a success.
4. Adopt Three Positive Attributes to your Life: Write these attributes in the front of your Journal so you see them everyday when your are journalizing your progress.
5. Read a book a month in 2015: Complete a book once a month that will assist you in attaining that "One Thing" you are in pursuit of.

I look forward to hearing about your positive metamorphosis in 2015.

Sincerely,
John

John P. Slosek, Jr. 

30 years as a Sales Professional and Insurance Agency Owner. He is currently an Exclusive Agency Owner for Allstate in Chicopee, Massachusetts. (413-331-3900)johnslosekjr@allstate.com.

He is also the host of the "Insurance Coach Radio Show" which has been continuously running for 13 years. His efforts are directed to promote personal change. The show steers towards personal growth and common sense education for his listeners.His personal email:  Insurancecoach@aol.com.                                      
The show can be heard every Saturday morning at 8 am on WARE 1250 AM or
 www.realoldies1250.net. John is also a Certified Speaker in the area of Sales, Personal Growth, Marketing, Leadership Skills, and Entrepreneurship. He is available by direct contact (413) 246-5037(text). Just in case the speaker you hired cancels, he will make himself available for last minute cancellations for your company or event. John is also licensed to teach John Maxwell material and multi-level marketing concepts.


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