Step 3: Create a Personal identity

Once your dream has been discovered, and the next stage of your life is defined, it must move from a concept, a dream, into a very present day reality. To begin that, you need to first truly own it, long before you even begin the process of making it a reality. “I would like to be a speaker.” feels dramatically different in your body that “I am a speaker.”

I worked with a woman who presented as wanting to become a teacher. She felt it was what she was called to do yet she had no idea where to even begin. Her approach was longing, hopeful, and fearful that it wouldn't happen.  I had her, each day, spend 5 minutes in meditation or reflection, in owning that she was a teacher, it was in her blood, she now simply needed the training and qualifications to do what she came here to do. More than once she told me that this attitude caused her to see the obstacles that arose as inconveniences rather than as stopping blocks that would prove she was on the wrong track.

Research has shown us that between 60 – 90 days is what it takes to shift a habit or a belief. Owning that new reality, “I am retiring”, “I am moving”, “I am a speaker” causes all the existing fears to come up in order to be dealt with rather than having them unconsciously sabotage your dreams. This clears the way.  

Form that new identity and you will begin to experience the freedom, expansion, and unlimited possibility it provides. 

Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD, is a motivational speaker, author, coach, and psychotherapist who has spent her career helping others, through humor and faith, claim their dreams, eliminate self-sabotage, and become everything they were meant to be.

She can be reached at: drdorothyct.com    dorothy@drdorothyct.com   860-543-5629   

Defining DONE!

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that one of the steps to driving tasks to “DONE” was to define what done is. So I wanted to grab a few moments  to take a deeper dive into what sounded like a simple activity.

When we're doing something, it is almost always for someone else, let's call them the client. When I'm doing something by myself, I ask the client is this what you mean by done? And then I ask

‘if I do it this way is that a good standard for you’?

I always ask this, even for simple tasks. If I'm having a conversation with somebody and I agree to do something very simple, I will still say at the end of the conversation:

"let me please just reflect back to you what I think my action items are for you - you want X done by this date, and if it's done like this then you will find that satisfactory. Is that correct?"

You'd be amazed at how much clarity comes out of something simple like that.

The other situation is when I'm doing something for the client, and I'm working with a team, here I do exactly the same thing. First, I confirm with the client what DONE is, and what an acceptable standard is. Second, I tell the team what we are doing, what done is, and what the acceptable standard is. Thirdly, I apportion the work that I want them to do, and  also tell them how it contributes to DONE. Finally, I asked them at the end of the conversation to reflect back to me what they are going to do for me, what DONE is, and what the acceptable standard is.

When I first started this practice, I was very nervous that it would make me appear unprofessional or a micromanager. In fact, I have had nothing but positive feedback from both customers and teammates. They enjoy the clarity. The clarity of knowing I know what they want, and what an acceptable level is; and also knowing when it needs to be done.

This is truly a WIN-WIN-WIN situation. Not only do you very rapidly get a reputation for being someone who delivers to a high standard of reliably, but you'll find that your teammates enjoy working with you because you exude a level of confident professionalism in your conversations.

So the next time you think about getting something done, make sure that you define DONE fully; you'll find it a lot easier to do (and by that I don't mean to start doing, but drive through to finished and DONE!).

Until next month, this is Tony Sherman the Implementation Rabbi and Impact Teams, hoping that in your work life there is nothing broken or missing.