Calming the Chaos: Why Calm Has to Come Before Clarity

By Mary-Anne Schelb
Bringing Calm to the Chaos

In business, caregiving, leadership, family life, and everyday decision-making, most people are taught to push harder when life feels overwhelming.

Make the list.
Solve the problem.
Answer the email.
Handle the crisis.
Keep moving.

And sometimes, of course, action is necessary.

But what I have learned through years of holistic wellness, lifestyle coaching, energy work, and supporting people through stressful seasons is this:

Clarity rarely comes from chaos.

When we are overwhelmed, rushed, emotionally flooded, or mentally overloaded, even simple decisions can feel heavy. We may second-guess ourselves, react too quickly, avoid what needs to be handled, or say yes when every part of us is asking for a pause.

That is not weakness.

That is often a sign that our nervous system is working overtime.

Calm Is Not Doing Nothing

One of the biggest misconceptions about calm is that it means we are passive, detached, or avoiding reality.

I see it differently.

Calm is not ignoring the problem.
Calm is creating enough internal steadiness to meet the problem more clearly.

When we pause long enough to breathe, ground ourselves, and regulate our response, we give ourselves access to better thinking. We become less reactive and more intentional. We can listen more fully, communicate more clearly, and choose our next step instead of simply being pulled into the urgency of the moment.

That matters in business.
It matters in leadership.
It matters in caregiving.
It matters in relationships.

And it matters in the quiet moments when no one else sees how much we are carrying.

The Cost of Living in Constant Reaction

Many capable people are functioning in a near-constant state of reaction.

They are answering everyone else’s needs before checking in with their own. They are managing work, family, aging parents, health concerns, finances, schedules, and expectations — often while telling themselves they should be able to handle more.

Over time, that level of pressure becomes exhausting.

The mind gets noisy.
The body gets tense.
Patience gets thinner.
Decisions feel harder.
And joy becomes something we postpone until life finally slows down.

But life does not always slow down on its own.

Sometimes, we have to build small moments of calm directly into the life we already have.

A Simple Reset

Here is one tool I often recommend because it is simple, discreet, and realistic.

Before you respond, decide, send, speak, agree, or react — pause for two minutes.

Try this:

Place both feet on the floor.
Relax your shoulders.
Take one slow breath in.
Exhale a little longer than you inhale.
Notice one thing you can see.
Notice one thing you can feel.
Ask yourself: What is the next right step?

Not the perfect step.
Not the forever decision.
Just the next right step.

This small pause can interrupt the automatic stress response and help you return to yourself before moving forward.

It will not solve every problem.

But it can change the state you are in when you meet the problem.

And that can change everything.

Calm First. Then Move Forward.

We do not need to wait for life to be peaceful before we practice peace.

We do not need perfect circumstances to create a steadier response.

And we do not need to overhaul our entire life to begin feeling more grounded.

Sometimes the most powerful shift begins with a pause, a breath, and the decision to stop meeting every moment from a place of urgency.

That is the heart of calming the chaos.

Not pretending life is easy.
Not denying what is hard.
Not stepping away from responsibility.

But learning to come back to center before we move forward.

Because when we are calmer, we are clearer.

And when we are clearer, we are far more likely to choose the next step that actually supports the life, work, relationships, and well-being we are trying to build.

Calm is not a luxury.

It is a lifeline.

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About the Author

Mary-Anne Schelb is a Life Coach, Holistic Lifestyle Consultant, Holistic Health Practitioner, and founder of Intentional Calm. Through her work, Mary-Anne helps busy professionals calm the chaos, reduce stress, and move forward with more clarity, steadiness, and intention.

She is the creator of the Intentional Calm Method™, a practical framework that blends holistic wellness, nervous-system support, mindfulness, energy work, journaling, and intentional living tools to help people return to center and make clearer, more grounded decisions. She is also the author of the forthcoming book, Calming the Chaos: The Intentional Calm Method™.

In addition to her holistic wellness practice, Mary-Anne is an educator, speaker, and workshop facilitator. Her signature message is simple: calm is not a luxury — it is a lifeline.

Learn more at Intentional Calm.

The Top Five Sales Tactics All Salespeople Should Avoid

When someone decides they want to pursue a career in sales—which is as honorable a profession as any other—they also get to decide what kind of a salesperson they want to be. Very few people would purposely choose to become the stereotypical sleazy salesperson, but it can happen if no one ever takes the time to explain the “old school” selling tactics people associate with sleazy salespeople, and why you should avoid them at all costs. Here’s a quick refresher of the top five tactics all salespeople should avoid: 

1. Directly putting down your competitor’s products/services:  Doing this is basically telling your prospect they are ignorant of the world around them. Face it, your prospects have access to the same information you do. Your job isn’t to prove your products/services are better than your competition’s. It’s to show your prospect that your products/services are a perfect fit for them.

2.  Hoping your prospect is as lazy as you are:  I once worked for a VP who always asked, “Did you do your due diligence?" The reality is that there are business owners who don’t do their due diligence with regard to their own company, or with the sales reps they encounter. For the sales rep who gets their foot in the door, it’s a choice. They can do just enough work to get the account, or they can do their own due diligence and become an invaluable resource to the business owner.

3.  Insulting you prospects intelligence: If there’s one trait that’s become synonymous with the sleazy salesperson, it’s the idea that they’re always on the lookout for the easy mark. Never assume that the way someone looks, dresses, or talks is an indication of how well they know their business. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that just because someone’s desk is a mess, you have an edge. Don’t let your assumption about how business savvy a prospect is end up showing the prospect just how un-savvy you are.

4.  Making promises just so you can get the order:  Everybody knows how the “bait and switch” approach to business works. What people don’t understand is how it can still happen in this day and age. Easy. When the order isn’t delivered on time, or as expected, or at the price quoted, it’s always someone else’s fault. These kinds of sales lead to short-term clients. Think about it… if you go to a restaurant and everything about your visit is sub-standard, are you likely to go their again? Over time, short-term clients lead to a short-term career.

5. Talking over your prospect: Yes, you may have a lot of great information to share, but good sales conversations are a two-way street. Talking over your prospect’s questions before they can even ask them forces them to look for answers in what you’re saying. That might have worked in the old west when the “snake oil salesman” sold from his wagon, but many of today’s business owners know more about your products/services than you do! Remember, relevant conversations are building blocks for solid long-term business relationship.

Fortunately, many sales professionals learn not to pursue these tactics early on in their careers. But I can't tell you how many times I’ve wished I hadn’t been present to witness a sales person falling into "old school" selling tactics simply because they didn’t realize that’s what they were doing.

Chances are that the stereotype of the sleazy salesperson will never be eradicated either. Fortunately, as sales professionals, we do get to choose whether to conduct ourselves as part of the solution, or part of the problem.

Alan Luoma: I am a Sales Coach with extensive experience in industrial sales, sales management, new

product development, sales and product training. I work with a great national sustainable packaging company and their exceptional distributors to increase sales. My success has been and is in utilizing the Pareto 80/20 principal in business and life. I have become an expert in seeking out and eliminating behaviors that prevent business people from being successful. I am a member of The National Speakers Association and New England Speakers Association. You can view my profile on LinkedIn, or contact me at Luoma@snet.net 

3 Ways to Boost Your Time Management Effectiveness and Enjoy A More Fulfilling Life

There’s an old saying that if you want help with getting something done, ask a busy person to help you. Everyone knows at least one person like this – the person who always manages to cross everything off their list by the end of the day or week.

Part of their ability to consistently manage their time effectively is based on the fact that they have a system they follow. The better the system, like with the Pareto Principle which states that roughly 80% of our results come from 20% of our work, the more likely someone is to look like they just have a talent for managing their time.

Professionals have used this principle to mercilessly reschedule their time and whittle down their client/customer lists to build a stronger business platform. But truly rounded professionals have learned that this principle can be applied to their personal lives as well. From a strictly time management perspective, what activities are you participating in outside of work that have a positive impact on your life?

Would it surprise you to learn that the average person spends almost 5 hours a day in front of the TV? Perhaps, if the whole family is watching TV together, it could be called “family” time, but let’s not kid ourselves. Until we’re ready to take an honest look at the way we spend our time outside of work too, we will continue to miss opportunities for identifying the 20% of our activities that will bring us 80% of our happiness, relaxation, joy, love, sense of contribution, and peace. Here are 3 ideas that might help you identify your outside-of-work 20%.

1.  Make a list of all your family and friends and decide which category each person fits into. This can be tough to do, but asking and answering these questions will help. 

• If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, who would you pick to spend today with? 
• If you were going to live another 80 years, who would you want to spend all that time with?

2.  Remember that you are either in or out of someone else’s 20%. Sometimes we just assume we’re in simply because we’re family or a friend. But think about what you’re bringing to someone else’s table. Do your family and friends know how you feel about them? And even if you’re not great with saying the words, are you doing a good job of making sure the people you care about know you care about them? Anyone can add this to their busy schedule. It takes less than a minute to make sure someone gets the message that we care.

3. Make sure your work schedule includes enough time for you to enjoy your life right now. Even if you’re putting in long hours in at work for all the right reasons, there’s no greater regret than knowing that we willingly let the important people and moments in our lives slip by without a second thought.

The truly wonderful thing about waking up each morning is that it’s another opportunity to do a little bit better today, than we did yesterday. Broaden your perspective when it comes to your time management strategies and you will have every reason to smile, every morning.

Alan Luoma: I am a Sales Coach with extensive experience in industrial sales, sales management, new

product development, sales and product training. I work with a great national sustainable packaging company and their exceptional distributors to increase sales. My success has been and is in utilizing the Pareto 80/20 principal in business and life. I have become an expert in seeking out and eliminating behaviors that prevent business people from being successful. I am a member of the Hartford Springfield Speakers Network, The National Speakers Association and New England Speakers Association. You can view my profile on LinkedIn, or contact me at Luoma@snet.net

Master Your Life While Smiling! Meet Jenny Drescher

 Hi, my name is Jenny Drescher. I’m a Choice Coach and Speaker. I also do Improv Comedy.

I put my coach training into a big pot with my improvisation training, and out came a terrific recipe for unique developmental and learning environments. The blend of coaching and improvisation has proven to be a powerful and exciting strategy for my clients to get the results they want. As a coach, I serve my clients by being a supportive 2"x4" wrapped in velvet, a confidence-builder, and a change catalyst. As an improviser, I have them smiling while they grow, even through really big challenges.

Teaching people to completely own their lives, laugh more, and never again get in their own way or be held back by others is my passion. I know what it’s like to be frustrated by getting stuck in the same pattern over and over and feeling like you’re getting nowhere, because I've been there; I'll tell you about it sometime.

I offer customized talks and playshops designed to empower and teach you and/or your group in a fun, energizing way. A playshop is a dynamic, highly interactive environment where you will use your brain, body, voice, and sense of humor. You will not sit for hours while your butt gets numb. Together, we will stretch and develop as a team using laughter and play. Even through the challenging parts you and your group will feel supported, secure, and will smile while you build your bridge to what you really want.

I work with individuals, small teams, and service organizations to become adaptable, confident, resilient, and creative. Are you and your team ready to become unstoppable?

Visit me at www.bridgetochoice.com for information about my programs and services.