Emotional Intelligence Part 6

Emotional Intelligence

Part 6

So, now that we have spent all this time talking about emotional intelligence in the last 5 parts of this blog series, is there an easy way to see if one has emotional intelligence? Well according to a test done in the 1960s a simple marshmallow test can be a very good indicator of a child’s emotional intelligence and their future success better than any IQ test. Young kids were told to wait in a room and take one marshmallow if they wanted and the adult would be right back. If they could wait for the adult to get back though, they would get two marshmallows instead of one. Researchers followed these children through the years and found that regardless of their starting IQs the children who had the emotional intelligence to pass up the smaller prize of one marshmallow for the bigger prize of two marshmallows later did better in all aspect of life throughout the rest of their lives.

So, is there anything that families can do to help their little ones become more socially and emotionally intelligent? Well, since the family life is usually our first school for emotional learning the answer to that above question has to be ‘yes’.

Hundreds of studies have been done that show that how parents treat their children will have deep lasting consequences for the child’s emotional life. Also, having emotionally intelligent parents is an enormous benefit to the child.

During the first 3 or 4 years a toddle’s brain grows to 2/3 of its adult size. It evolves at a greater rate than it ever will again. This is a key time for emotional learning. Children who receive this learning and feel accepted by their parents will go on to believing that they can achieve. The ones that don’t keep looking for where they are going to screw up, and eventually find it.

Childhood is a window of opportunity. However, if the child does not receive the proper upbringing, all may not be lost. Emotional learning is a life-long process. And even the mostly deeply implanted habits of the heart learned in childhood can be reshaped under the proper retraining. But, why let it get to that point? As Erasmus said, “The main hope of a nation lies in the proper education of its youth.”

Let’s get emotional intelligence out of the shadows, and get it into the classrooms where it belongs. Maybe we can spend less time on standardized testing that ranks kids, and instead give them a more complete holistic education as was the original charge of education in the first place.

Final note; what are you doing to round off your education and make yourself more emotionally intelligent?

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker, educator, a parent expert and certified life coach. Find out more about Dan at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com

What is Your Leadership Score?

 

How often do you think about the skills and abilities that make you an effective leader and team member? How often do you assess what you do well, and where you could use additional development or a refresher?

Interacting with others effectively and efficiently is based on technique, experience, personal styles and temperament.   What are your strengths? What are your areas for development?

Rate yourself:  5=Always; 4=Often; 3=Sometimes; 2=Seldom; 1=Never​

Question	Score
1.   I am committed to developing my staff, realizing it builds bench strength, grows the bottom line, reduces attrition, and overall makes the company stronger.
2.   I address non-productive behaviors in a respectful way and still hold people accountable.
3.   I take time to focus on the bigger picture, not just day-to-day priorities.
4.   I am inspired and energized while at work, and know how I contribute to the bottom line.
5.   I clearly communicate my point of view/perspectives, and feel I am listened to (not necessarily agreed with).
6.   I have an open mind and don't get stuck on how things used to be, versus how they "could" be.
7.   I listen to opposing viewpoints and take time to process and reflect on them.
8.   I look for the best possible outcome and keep from blaming even when a mistake was made.
9.   I am "self-aware".  I understand my strengths and my areas requiring development, and leverage my strengths to support the attainment of goals.
10. I accept responsibility for my mistakes.

Did you give yourself 1, 2, or 3?  Think about learning more about leadership.  A strong leader can increase production and profits.  4 and above?  You’re on the right path to effective leadership!

If we asked others in your organization to rate you, would their scores be higher or lower?  These questions are a few used in a “360 Leadership Feedback Survey” as part of the initial phase my coaching program.  It can be both revealing and affirming. It's a great place to start the coaching process.

I am Ann Meacham, president of Leadership Dynamics.  Check out my Coaching Program  Dynamic Leader Program on my website or email me  ann@leadyourteams.com to talk about a sample coaching session. 

It's an exciting approach to a better way of doing things!

 

Emotional Intelligence Part 5

Emotional Intelligence

Part 5

The key to making good decisions is being attuned to our feelings. The stronger the feelings the more attuned we need to be to make sure we aren’t blindly acting on something that we shouldn’t, especially when we are talking about the ever powerful emotion of anger.

Benjamin Franklin said a long time ago, “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.” Anger is the mood people are worst at controlling. Our self-righteous inner monologue fills our minds with convincing arguments for it. However, reframing the situation in a more positive light can help put anger to rest. When we feel anger coming on we should immediately go into distraction mode. Distract them, or, ourselves if angry, and reframe the angry situation to something better. Also, challenge those thoughts or feelings of anger.

Sadness is a mood that the majority of people put the most effort into shaking. Like anger, when we are feeling sad, we can challenge those feelings. However, do not ruminate in negative feelings. Just like anger, reframe sad thoughts to something more positive. This reframing is called, “Cognitive Reframing”. This cognitive reframing and writing down whatever negative or counterproductive thoughts one has in order to challenge them and then reframe them in a more positive light really helps one improve their emotional intelligence.

Did you know that emotional intelligence really helps in athletics? Athletes with high emotional intelligence have the special ability to motivate themselves to pursue relentless training routines without quitting due to boredom. It typically takes about 10,000 hours of practice to move near the top of one’s field on the national level, and 15,000 hours of practice to move near the top of one’s field on the international level. Very few people have the emotional intelligence to be able to stay motivated for that long, while facing and overcoming the setbacks that are bound to happen along the way.

Empathy is a powerful emotional intelligence. The failure to notice another’s feelings is a major deficit in emotional intelligence, and a tragic lapse in what it means to be human. Rapport, the root of caring, stems from emotional attunement, from the capacity for empathy. The roots of morality are to be found in empathy. Having empathy makes one more out-going, happier, and do better in school.

However, in order to be empathic it requires one to be calm enough, and receptive enough so that the subtle signals of feeling from another person can be received and mimicked by one’s own emotional brain. This is emotional intelligence.

Another key social competence is how well or how poorly people express their own feelings. This ability to express one’s own feeling have an immediate impact on the other people who are receiving them. This transaction could be good or bad depending how social and emotionally adept one is.

Those who are adept at social intelligence can connect with people quite smoothly, be astute in reading other’s reactions and feelings, lead and organize, and handle the disputes that are bound to flare up in any human activity. They are the natural leaders, the people who can express the unspoken collective sentiment and articulate it so as to guide a group toward its goals. They are the kind of people others like to be with because they are emotionally nourishing- they leave other people in a good mood and always see criticism as an opportunity to work with others rather than an adversarial situation. In addition, these star performers build relationship and networks long before they need them.

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker, educator, a parent expert and certified life coach. Find out more about Dan at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com

How to Manage Your Clients

Say what??  It seems a little alien to think about going beyond providing quality services, being punctual, warm, friendly and very competent.  However, you can foster a relationship with your clients by better understanding their communication style and personality; making sure you understand what they want from you; giving them thoughtful feedback and ideas; and being reliable.

Help them understand what their part is in the success of a project or program.  Be honest (blunt) about how long it might take and how much it is likely to cost.  As the saying goes, “Under promise and over deliver.”  It will keep them coming back for more!

Managing your client is about earning their trust and respect by working together to create the best possible working relationship.

A few tips to strengthening and keeping a positive relationship with your clients.

• Learn how to best communicate with them.

What level of detail do they prefer?  How often do they want to meet?  Are they in a hurry or do they prefer to study the details?

• Be proactive.

Understand the strengths you bring to the work and ensure they are aware of them. Be confident and open-minded and not arrogant.

• Meet regularly.  

Keep them up to date on what is happening with their project.  Share as much as you can without burdening them with too much detail. Show progress and keep to time lines as much as possible.

• Ask their opinion.  

Ask for their perspective on things.  Share your ideas and planned approach, and ask for their input. Ask for their feedback and ideas.  Be sure to listen!

• Create solutions.

Every project can have challenges or problems.  When that occurs, develop solution choices before sharing the problem with them.  If they have a complaint, look at ways to solve it. Don’t defend yourself or your company.  No excuses. Just make it right.

• Develop a power that makes you attractive.

Be the expert, stay apprised of changes in your industry, understand the competition, create and sustain a dream customer/client relationship. Become indispensable! Market and utilize a strength that they will appreciate and use.

• Do a reality check

Remain positive and let them know what is possible – or not possible – to achieve.  Make every effort to be outstanding…..within reality.

Invest the time to build a relationship with your clients, understand how they prefer to be communicated with, and model your leadership behaviors to support those preferences.  They will trust you more because of it!

Ann Meacham, president of Leadership Dynamics,works with CEOs and business leaders to clear their blind spots so they can identify the issues that need to be addressed and focus on making their business succeed. 

Contact her for a Free Leadership Strategy Session. or call 860-788-3504 www.leadyourteams.com