What to Say When You Talk to Your Self! Part 5

Part Five- Methods of Self-Talk

   

         The 1^st method of self-talk is called silent self-talk. We do this one all the time and aren’t usually even aware of it according to Dr. Helmstetter. Within this method all we have to do is switch old negative self-talk with new positive self-talk. This is the easiest and most natural of all the techniques to use. It generally takes more awareness than effort to do this one. So, from now on let’s start to pay attention to everything that we are silently saying to ourselves. Then, let’s override any negative and recreate a positive force out of it. Let’s do this every chance we get and make our lives better through this simple method of silent self-talk.

            Our 2^nd method of self-talk is called sell-speak. Anything we say out loud, regardless of what it is or who it is to, is self-speak. It truly is a powerful force in our lives. So, let’s be more cognizant of what we saying out loud and replace any poorly chosen self-speak with better directions for our minds to operate on.

            Here’s a little self-improvement trick to help us all become more cognizant of our own self-speak. Let’s begin to pay attention to the self-speak that comes out of others’ mouths. Then, let’s also occasionally ask ourselves the introspective question of, “Do I sound like that? Do I say those kind of words when I speak out loud?” This simple little trick will greatly help us become more cognizant of what we say out loud.

            Third on the list of methods of self-talk is self-conversation. This is a cool and funny one all at the same time. Self-conversation gives us a chance to stop beating up on ourselves and to become a best friend to ourselves, like we’re supposed to be, by speaking our loud to ourselves. Basically, this is having a conversation our loud with ourselves about the best about ourselves. We can even act it out if that floats our boat and makes it stick better. This can be a lot of fun according to Dr. Helmstetter because it involves multiple sense, is very effective, and will get us some good laughs as people look at us like we’re crazy. If you’re not brave enough yet for this craziness of people looking at you all weird, then just do this method in the privacy of your shower each morning instead of out loud in some public place each day.

            Our 4^th method of self-talk is called self-write. I’m going to warn you up front that most people won’t do this very effective method of self-talk because it takes effort and time. It’s just like the self-conversation of self-talk that we’ve already mentioned above, except that we added one more step of writing it out every day. It involves another sense through writing as well as some slower deeper thinking. Again, it’s effective, but time consuming, so most won’t do it beyond the first few days, if they do it at all.

            Finally, the 5^th method of self-talk is called tape-talk. This takes the best of method four and lets us simplify it so that more of us will do it. We simply just do the self-write once and then audio record ourselves speaking it. Next, we just simply listen to it a few times a day. It’s simple and powerful positive programming. As a matter of fact, Dr. Helmstetter believes that he has never seen a better tool than tape-talk in all of his years of studying self-development. It’s like having our own personal coach by our side pulling the best out of us each day.

            In conclusion, the workings of the human brain are completely indifferent to our stations in life. And that’s another good thing for many of us. You see, this means that anyone of us can use self-talk and benefit from it. But, first, we need to pick up Dr. Helmstetters book of, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. Read it. Practice the principles. And use his tricks of the trade to help yourself succeed. Hint… Hint… there’s a bunch more secrets of success in his book just waiting for you to discover that I didn’t have room to share here in this article. Happy readings. And happy life!

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. Learn more about Dan at: www.DanBlanchard.net. Check out Dan’s teen leadership book at: http://tinyurl.com/glxzjaf

What to Say When You Talk to Your Self! Part 4

Part Four- We Can Begin Right Now

   

         Let’s begin listening to everything we say about ourselves right now. Let’s erase what’s not working and replace it with what does work. Here’s the tricky part though. We need something to fill the void once we start erasing or we’ll just eventually fall back into that abyss of our old way of talking to ourselves and our old ways of behaving. We need to have a word-for-word vocabulary to replace the old with or our new and improved life won’t last.

            You see, wanting it is not enough. Deciding to do it is not enough either. According to Dr. Helmstetter, the human brain says, “Give me more. Give me the words. Give me the directions, the commands, the picture, the schedule and the results that you want. Then I will do it for you. Give me the words!”

            Dr. Helmstetter believes many times good self-improvement does fall short of self-talk because many of the self-improvement techniques out there are lacking some of the basic things that make up self-talk and make self-talk so powerful and enduring. These simple but powerfully effective things that self-talk has that many other self-improvement strategies lack is that self-talk is simple, easy to use, and it works.

            Now, don’t laugh yet at the simplicity of it all yet. Often, it is in the simplicity that the genius lies. Most self-improvement strategies can help us improve our lives for a while, but the bottom line is that if it isn’t simple, then eventually we’ll stop doing it. Next, if it’s not easy we’ll also stop doing it. For example, most of us probably don’t mind expending a few seconds of energy here and there for self-talk. But, how many of us will spend one hour every day improving ourselves? Not many. Lastly, it has to also work. If our thought patterns don’t change, something that self-talk does do, well then, we can keep on beating ourselves over the head with these other methods of self-improvement all we want, but sadly, they will eventually fail us because we still have the old crappy programming.

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. Learn more about Dan at: www.DanBlanchard.net. Check out Dan’s teen leadership book at: http://tinyurl.com/glxzjaf

What to Say When You Talk to Your Self! Part 3

Part Three- Self-Talk

     

       Self-talk is a practical way to live our lives by an active intent rather than a passive acceptance, according to Dr. Helmstetter. The beauty of self-talk is that it paints a new internal picture of ourselves as we would most like it to be… And that’s a good thing. Wouldn’t life would be so much better if we can get our self-talk to work for us instead of against us?

            There are different levels of self-talk. The most frequently used self-talk is negative acceptance. Basically, we say something negative about ourselves and then just blindly accept it as truth, whether it is or not. This kind of self-talk of negative acceptance lands us all the way down on the bottom at level one.

            Level two isn’t much better than level one. Level two is recognition and a need for change. We can recognize this level through such statements as: “I need to… I should… I ought to…” On the surface level, level two doesn’t look so bad, but here’s the problem with it. Level two starts off on the right foot with recognizing an areas that needs improvement, but where it falls down on the job is that it doesn’t offer a solution. Thus, it subconsciously becomes, “I wish I could… but I can’t…” So, instead of giving birth to accomplishment and what’s possible it creates guilt and acceptance of our own self-imagined inadequacies. This is a bad thing. So, let’s try not to do this one, okay?

            Next is level three of self-talk. Now, we’re getting somewhere. This is the first level of self-talk that actually works for us instead of against us, according to Dr. Helmstetter. Level three of self-talk is characterized by things like, “I never…” or “I no longer…” In level three we’re rephrasing old negatives and putting them behind us as we start in a new better direction. For example, if we’re smokers who want to quit, our lives will eventually change if we continuously and strongly say to ourselves, “I no longer smoke!”

            And the great thing is that it doesn’t even have to be true yet. We can actually start practicing this level three of self-talk saying we no longer smoke while we’re still smoking. According to Dr. Helmstetter, if we say that we no longer smoke often enough, and with enough intensity, our minds will begin to believe it and then smoking will lose its appeal and hold on us.

            Level four is the opposite of level one. This is the one we use least, but need the most. This is also the one that is most effective and gets us the best results. Here, we’re painting a whole new picture of ourselves of how we want it to be. This level of self-talk can usually be identified when people says, “I am…”

            Level four is positive self-talk that takes place in the present rather than the past or future. Level four is exciting and gives us energy to push forward in creating the new and betterinternal picture of ourselves for real.

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. Learn more about Dan at: www.DanBlanchard.net. Check out Dan’s teen leadership book at: http://tinyurl.com/glxzjaf

What to Say When You Talk to Your Self! Part 2

Part Two- Self-Management Sequence

    

        The number one thing that most influences our success or failures, and thus our quality of life is our own behaviors. Basically, our actions or what we do on a consistent basis is what makes us, or breaks us. I’m sure this is common sense and most of us already know this. However, I’m also pretty sure that most of us have also asked ourselves, at least occasionally, why we do not do the things that we know we should do. Well, my friend, according to Dr. Helmstetter, the answer to why we don’t do what we know we should do is because of our feelings.

            You see, our feelings act as a big life filter that all of our actions come out of. Basically, how we feel about something determines what we do and how we do it. If we feel positive about something we will behave in a more positive way with more positive energy, and thus eventually create more success for ourselves. So, now you’re probably asking if this is the secret, then can’t we just control our feelings and have everything we want. The answer isn’t quite that simple because there is something deeper in all of us that is influencing our feelings. And that thing influencing our feelings is our attitudes.

            Our attitudes are how we view life. A good attitude is essential because it will affect how we feel about something and what we do about it, and thus how successful we become. So, I guess now the next question from all you eager achievers out there is where our attitudes come from.

            Well, they come from our beliefs silly! Can you believe how simple this all sounds, yet we all struggle with creating that life that we want, don’t we? The funny thing about our beliefs though, is that they don’t even have to be true. Haven’t we all heard that old saying that if you believe you can, you can. And if you believe that you can’t, you can’t?

            You see, we believe what we were programmed to believe. And right or wrong, all that programming starts on the day that we are born. By the way, why does that nurse have to slap our behinds and make us cry on day one? From the very beginning we’re faced with one of Einstein’s ultimate questions of, “Is this a friendly or unfriendly universe that we all live in?” How we’re programmed and thus what we believe plays a big part in how we see Eistein’s question and what we do about it.

            Like it or not, that’s how the brain works. If we want to manage ourselves in a better way and change our results to better results, something we really can do anytime we choose to, it must first begin with self-talk according to Dr. Helmstetter.

            So, here’s the breakdown of our self-management sequence according to Dr. Helmstetter. First, we start with self-talk. Hopefully, it’s positive and not negative self-talk. That self-talk, true or not, programs our beliefs. And our beliefs, true or not, affect our attitudes. Next, our attitudes, good or bad, affect our feelings. And finally, our feelings, good or bad, drive our behaviors to become successful, unsuccessful, or somewhere in between. Note: many of us tend to land on the success scale pretty close to where our parents and friends landed too… Boy, that self-talk thing is pretty powerful, huh? 

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. Learn more about Dan at: www.DanBlanchard.net. Check out Dan’s teen leadership book at: http://tinyurl.com/glxzjaf

What to Say When You Talk to Your Self

   

        As much as 77% of what we say to ourselves may be working against us. And you know what’s even crazier than all of this negative self-talk? Deep down, every one of us innately knows that the world should be fair, and we should get our fair share; yet, we keep saying bad things to ourselves like, “I’m not good enough,” or “Who do I think I am to think I could get get?” when we talk to ourselves.

            You see, part of the problem is that the first 18 years of our lives we are told no 148,000 times by well-meaning people who were only trying to protect us and keep us safe. However, sadly, eventually after all this ‘no’ programming we too eventually join in this bombardment of our own dreams and what’s possible and began telling ourselves, “no”. Repetition sure is a convincing argument, isn’t it? Especially, when we are the ones saying it now, huh?

            Sadly, at this point of saying ‘no’ to ourselves, without realizing it, we begin constructing an invisible wall that stands between ourselves and our dreams, and what’s possible. Even though we can’t see that wall, that wall will remain standing tall and impenetrable for as long as our old programming remains within us. You see, we become the thoughts that are in our minds. And if those thoughts are… ‘no can do’… well, you already know the rest… I don’t even have to tell you…

            You want to know what the really sad thing is though? Someone else programmed us to think like that. And ironically, they were most likely the ones who were on our side and most likely just trying to help us too! Sad, isn’t it? We’ve all heard that saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right? Life sure can be crazy and confusing!

            There is a silver lining in this dark ominous crazy life-cloud though. That lining is that there are many good self-help programs out there that can improve our lives. The bad thing though, according to Dr. Helmstetter most of them are lacking permanence, knowledge of the psychological process of the brain, and a new word-for-word programming for our minds. However, self-talk does have these three success elements. Thus, Dr. Helmstetter’s self-talk makes a lot of sense because it can paint a new and improved picture of ourselves in our own minds.

            Another good thing in the self-improvement world is that it makes no difference what happened to us in the past or how others programmed us for something less than success without our permission. Thankfully, we literally, can change just a little bit about ourselves in order to gain a whole lot of quality of life back. The little thing we have to deliberately change is what we let others say to us, what we say to ourselves, and what we think and even feel about ourselves. With just a little bit of work we can reprogram ourselves for a better life.

            We really can erase and replace all the less than excellent programming with excellent, life-fulfilling programming with self-talk. Hey, we talk to ourselves all day long anyways. There is just no getting around that. We’re going to do it regardless, so we might as well deliberately change the conversation going on in our own heads. Change the self-talk and change our lives for the better.

            Interestingly, the real obstacle here many times isn’t our subpar programming, but the fact that most of us don’t realize that we’ve let others program us, and now we’re reinforcing it on a daily basis. We have blindly jumped right on that same wave of negativity and have continually strenghened that negative programming from others by what we say to ourselves now.

            Thus, the invisible wall remains. However, we can crack that wall, weaken that wall, and then tear it down through our new and improved spoken words, unspoken thoughts, feelings, impressions, and physical responses. Hey, the former military man inside of me has always said that if you physically feel those butterflies in your stomach, then just command that squadron of butterflies to line up and fly in a wedge formation for you instead of against you.

            We really can do this! You see, Dr. Helmstetter says that the human brain will do anything possible we tell it to do, if we tell it often enough and strong enough. So, let’s get going on this! And let’s do it with some vigor.

            Hey, our subconscious mind is even working right now, day and night, to make sure that we become precisely the person we have unconsciously told ourselves to be. What kind of person have you told it to be? You see, here’s the deal, in order to live our best possible life, we are going to have to ditch the old habit of automatically believing the worst first, and the best last.

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. Learn more about Dan at: www.DanBlanchard.net. Check out Dan’s teen leadership book at: http://tinyurl.com/glxzjaf

Grit Part 7

Growing Grit from the Outside Continued

     

       So, what’s another way us parents can build more grit in ourselves and our children? Simple. Join a gritty team. Join a winning team. Join a team where it’s normal to get up early, work hard, and stay late. When we reside in a culture that is gritty, then acting gritty just seems normal. It’s just what we do. After all, the concept of conformity is a very powerful one. Most of us will conform to the culture that we’re living in, whether we know it or not.

            The Finnish people even have a word for the culture of toughness that they live in and acclimate to. That word is sisu. They believer that just by being Finnish it makes the people in Finland grittier, tougher, or sisu, whether they know it or not. Pete Carroll, coach of the Seattle Seahawks professional football team calls it competing. If you’re part of the Seahawks culture you’re always competing. And in Coach Carroll’s culture, the word compete doesn’t mean one wins and one loses. Instead, it means to bring forth the best in all of them.

Which, leads me to my next point. If you don’t have a winning gritty culture or team to join, then create one of your own where your own grit will rub off onto your teammates, co-workers, or even your own children. Hey, it’s sort of like the great John Wooden of UCLA basketball fame would say, “Success is never final; failure is never fatal. It’s courage that counts.” So, choose to have that courage and build that grit in yourself. Then pass it around so others too can get a little more cultured.

Closing

What we accomplish in the marathon of life depends a lot on our grit, passion and perseverance for long term goals. Sadly, an obsession with talent distracts us all from this simple truth. And makes no mistake about it, most of us are distracted. We love the mystique of what someone becomes, we’re not very interested in what it took, or the becoming part that was required for them to reach their full potential and mastery.

            The good thing is that we can all choose to work on our own grit and becoming grittier. We can grow our grit from the inside out through some exploration and perseverance and we can also employ others to our cause and grow grit from the outside in.

            Becoming grittier is excellent for all of us because becoming grittier makes us emotionally healthier. Considering all the crazy stuff we have seen seeing in the news lately, I think you would agree with me that our society being a little more emotionally healthy would be a good thing that could benefit all of us.

            In conclusion, I say stay curious my friend. Curiosity usually has an undercurrent of optimism that accompanies a growth-mindset. Curiosity, in the end, may be the best companion to true grit. Get your gritty self out there and somehow get your hands on Dr. Angela Duckworth’s book, Grit. You’ll be happier that you did. It will improve your outlook on life like it has for me. Grit reminds us that we don’t have to go down that road of learned helplessness. Given enough time and grit, we can make our dreams come true by becoming even grittier.

 Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Grit Part 6

Growing Grit from the Outside

   

         The Latin meaning of the word parent is ‘bring forth’. We need to bring forth interest, practice, purpose and hope in all the people that we care for and care about. We have to show our children, according to Dr. Duckworth, that it’s not about us and what we need, but that it’s truly about giving the kids all that we got. We have to do this, even when it’s not easy because kids need demanding and supportive parenting or other words, ‘tough-love’ in order to build some grit of their own.

            However, remember that we don’t need to be a parent to make a difference. If we just care about them and get to know them and what’s going on in their lives, we can make a positive impact. I’m sure that we have all heard the old African proverb, that it takes a village to raise a child, right?

            Besides parents growing grit from the outside in their own homes with their children, extracurricular activities is another great way to build grit. With extracurricular activities there is usually a more objective adult standing in for the parent who is also demanding and supportive. In addition, this other adult and the extracurricular activity itself is designed by nature to cultivate interest, increase practice and produce purpose and hope. And the beautiful thing is that it really doesn’t matter what the extracurricular activity is because all extracurricular activities are playing fields of grit. So, let’s sign our kids up for something so they can spend at least part of their week doing hard things that interest them.

            You see, this is how it works… School is hard for our young ones, but for many it’s also boring, or at least not intrinsically interesting. Texting their friends is interesting, but not hard. Extracurricular activities, on the other hand, can be the best of both worlds… They can be hard and fun. In addition, kids who participate in extracurricular activities fare better on every conceivable metric.

            Dr. Duckworth talks about a study began in 1978 by Warren Willingham who was the director of the Personal Qualities Project, and which still remains to this day as one of the most ambitious studies ever done to discover what determinants help young people become successful young adults. What he found was the extracurricular activities are a great indicator of future success.

But here was the real secret though… Kids who participate in more than one extracurricular activity and took part for more than one year, who also somehow made great strides became the most successful young adults off all, regardless of what their S.A.T. scores were, or what their grade point average was.

Harvard University has picked up on this fact and bases at least part of their admissions on this. Bill Fitsimmons, the former Dean of Admissions for Harvard says that kid who was consistent and succeeded on one of the extracurricular playing fields of grit, could use that energy and determination for something else purposeful like getting good grades at Harvard, even if that kid no longer participates in that extracurriculars. Sadly, many high schools are facing budget cuts today and are cutting their extracurricular programs…

            According to Dr. Duckworth, without directly experiencing the connection between effort and reward that seems to go hand-in-hand with extracurricular activities, all animals, humans included, default to laziness. Calorie-burning effort is after all, something evolution has shaped us to avoid whenever possible. Taking away extracurricular activities and then accusing kids of being lazy doesn’t seem to add up correctly though. We are the adults. We need to do better.

            Are you doing everything in your power to make sure that our children have opportunities to participate in extracurricular activities and build some grit of their own?

 Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Grit Part 5

Grit from the Inside Out Continued

       

     As youngsters, it’s hard to think beyond our own basic needs. As we mature we learn to think beyond our own basic needs and it causes our passions to mature and become grittier. Which then causes us to operate on a higher level beyond our own self-interest and causes our passions to also include purpose or desire to help others. This purpose may start off as self-interest and then develop into purpose. And that’s okay because we have to start somewhere.

            In addition, Dr. Angela Duckworth’s book Grit show us that when we help others survive, they can also help us survive. So, it really is, in the end, in our best self-interest to help others. But, unfortunately, we can’t always see this when we are young and less gritty. In the end, this new sense of purpose developed through maturity is also a very powerful motivator.

            Eventually, developing a purpose can lead to one having a calling. Dr. Duckworth believes that we would all like to have a calling. But, unfortunately, most of us don’t have this calling. We can’t seem to find our calling. To tell you the truth, we’re not going to find our calling; we’re going to develop our calling just like we develop our own interest and our own passion. We don’t have to go anywhere to find our calling. It’s right here in what we’re doing every day. But, unfortunately, very few people recognize this.

            For example, most adults go to work most days. However, not all of us are fully engaged in our jobs because after all they are just our jobs, right? However, some of us have found more meaning in the work we do every day and have put in the extra work to change our jobs into a profession. This was a choice and this was something that these few choose to do. Out of these few, and even smaller segment choose to do even more extra work to make their profession their calling. Every day when all the others are going to their job, these special few aren’t going to work, they’re going to their calling.

            Let me explain some more. In the parable of the bricklayers, everyone has the same occupation but their subjective experience- how they themselves viewed their work- couldn’t be more different. The first bricklayer says, “I am laying bricks.” The second bricklayer says, “I am building a church.” And the third says, “I am building the house of God.” It’s a choice. Which choice are you making every day? Are you choosing to be gritty every day and develop that very satisfying calling?

            If you’re not choosing to be gritty every day, well then, start right now to choose to be gritty every day. And if you find yourself having some trouble doing this, then find a purposeful role model to emulate and borrow some grit from until you can more fully develop your own. In addition, always remember the old Japanese proverb, “Fall seven, raise eight!”

            Since this author of this article was voted most optimistic in high school and it’s a trait that has stuck with him throughout the years, he is happy to say that Dr. Duckworth feels that optimism and grit go hand-in-hand. Don’t let the world steal your smile. Paint that smile on your face if you have to. Dr Duckworth says to develop and protect that optimistic growth-mindset that Dr. Carol Dweck talks about in her book, Mindset and your natural consequence will be in becoming grittier.

            Just beware though, only telling yourself or another to be optimistic is just the beginning. People also have to overcome real adversity in order to rewire their brains to look similar to those who already have grit. So here is the path laid out for you. Be optimistic with a growth-mindset, engage your inner self-talk and preserver again, and again, and again over adversity. It’s sort of like what Teddy Roosevelt said about the strenuous life being the good life and how he doesn’t think another man has ever had as much fun as he has in all his endeavors.

            Now I must ask you, which bricklayer are you?

 Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Grit Part 4

Grit from the Inside Out Continued

According to Dr. Duckworth the author of Grit, knowing that the little nuances that non-experts can’t see is what keeps the experts going, and thinking back to developing a passion and career that goes along with that passion, one can now more clearly see how it could be difficult to know if something is a good fit until you try it for a while and learn to see some of those nuances… And furthermore, learn to enjoy those nuances…

            Learning to stick it out long enough to really learn what hard work is all about is a good thing. Finding joy in the simple nuances that others can’t see is also a good thing. And taking your time to develop your passion over the long run is also a good thing too. All of these are good because they build us grit, and in the end make us happier and more successful. Besides, think of the opposite of this. Mindlessly going through the motions without every really improving can be its own form of suffering. And many would say that this kind of suffering is way worse than the 10,000 hours or 10 years of deliberate hard practice that it took them to excel and become an expert.

            So, what is this deliberate practice and how do we get the most out of it so we too can march down that 10,000 hours or 10 year road to greatness? Well, to start, experts try to do things that they can’t yet do, fail, and then learn what to do differently. And how do they do this, you ask? First, they clearly define a stretch goal, then they use their full concentration and all-out effort. Next, they look for immediate and informative feedback. Then they use repetition with reflection and refinement until they master their stretch-goal. The once difficult then becomes ordinary for them. Finally, they repeat the process of picking a new stretch-goal and do it all over again.

            I know this doesn’t sound easy. As a matter of fact, I know this sounds hard. And that’s because it is hard. However, there are a few things that we can do to make the hard more doable. First, set a routine where you do these hard things at the same time every day. Routines are godsend. You get up every morning, lace up your running shoes and just go. It’s just what you do… Having to decide every single day to do a hard thing would be a nightmare for most of us. Few of us would ever consistently follow through on doing our hard deliberate practice that is needed to make us champions if we had to make up our mind about it every single day. The brain is very good at coming up with excuses for not burning extra calories.

            In addition, believe it or not, we all can learn to embrace challenge rather than fear it. And we can embrace this embracing by simply relieving ourselves of our own judgement that gets in our way of enjoying the challenge we really want to and really need to face.

            Let’s think about this for a moment. When we were babies or even toddlers, learning from mistakes didn’t bother us at all, right? So, why do we let it bother us so much now? If we did that as a baby we would have never stood upright, taken those first few steps, and then kept right on taking those steps right into a walk and then eventually a run. Doesn’t the grownup version of ourselves have a spine just as strong as or even stronger than the baby and toddler version of ourselves?

            The truth is that not only are our backbones bigger and stronger, but so is our grit as we age and mature. Growing grit is just a natural progression. When we are young, we don’t really know yet what we want. As we age we experience enough to know a lot more about the world and what we really want. Furthermore, we better understand the big picture and the role synergy and legacy plays within it.

            Are you willing to put in the time and effort through hard deliberate practice to grow some real grit and become that expert?

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Grit Part 3

According to Dr. Duckworth, a Gallup Poll found that 2/3 of adults aren’t truly engaged at work. Sadly, few people do what they love. It looks like those countless commencement speeches that constantly say to follow your passions really are on to something important here, aren’t they?  The few who are lucky enough to follow their passions into a career field feel extremely satisfied, are usually more productive than their peers and many times don’t really feel like they have worked a day in their lives because their vocation is really their advocation.

            So, why isn’t everyone doing this? Why isn’t everyone following their passions and landing in the perfect job that brings them eternal satisfaction and happiness? Dr. Duckworth thinks that it might be because too many people think that one’s interest and one’s passion is something that one just finds or discovers somehow. However, that’s not how it works. Although, there is some degree of discovery involved in finding one’s interest and passion, a much bigger and powerful component of interest and passion is development. One has to actually develop it!

            If you can remember your old school guidance counselor driving you crazy in high school, like the author of this article can, when our counselors used to brow beat us while telling us that we had to know exactly what we was going to do with the rest of our life then reading Grit will help you. It will help you realize that high school is way too early for most of us to know what we want to with the rest of our lives, or what our passions are. For most of us, passion is something that really is developed rather than just internally pulled out of oneself or just ‘found’.

            Furthermore, we’re not supposed to immediately fall in love with our first job. It’s a mistake and an unrealistic expectation to think that one can just go try out a job and instantly fall in love with everything about the job. The perfect match just isn’t out there, especially for beginners. It’s sort of like relationships. With these unrealistic expectations that many young people have today about everything fitting perfectly and how it shouldn’t be hard, they just jump from one relationship to another or from one job to another never spending enough time to develop a true passion and grow some grit.

            Hey, it’s not our fault that we do this hopping around thing. It’s just natural for us humans to want to jump from one thing to another. Unlike animals who have instincts, when we humans are born, as babies we need to learn through experiencing new things. This basic experiential learning helps keep us alive. Thus, novelty, change and variety is a basic human drive that formed its genesis in the survival of our species.

            The trick though to building ourselves some grit is to fight these natural impulses and then eventually even learn to use them to work for us, instead of against us. For instance, for the beginner, novelty is anything that they haven’t encountered before. For the expert, novelty is the nuance. Nuance is what keeps the experts or aspiring experts going while others get bored and quit. Nuance is what most non-experts misunderstand. They can’t see what the expert can see.

            So are you moving on too quickly, or are you sticking it out to develop your passion and build some grit?

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Grit Part 2

   

        Grittier people are more about stamina than intensity. The most dazzling human achievements are not really overnight magical performances with herculean intensity, but in fact, the aggregate of countless individual elements, each of which, in a sense is nothing more than ordinary. But, with these ordinary small acts done consistently and correctly, and all together over time, it can’t help but produce excellence! Believe it or not, mundanity produces excellence. It’s a hard sell, but it’s true!

            Dr. Duckworth author of, Grit believes that effort is so important in one’s success that it actually factors in twice to the success formula. You see, one cannot have true skill without applying some effort to obtain skill. And at the same time additional effort will make that skill productive. Potential means nothing in the end without a lot of effort to build that skill and then use that skill through effort for however long it takes to win, which by the way, builds even more skill.  In Grit, Dr. Duckworth says that she is finding it more satisfying in sticking with something for as long time in order to become an expert who can see and do what the ordinary cannot than to continuously keep starting over as a newbie with potential.

            In 1940 Harvard University began what is today the longest study ever conducted on human development. George Valliant, continues to this day, to follow up on the men that took his 1940 treadmill test that was designed to physically and mentally punish them regardless of their level of talent of fitness. In the many decades that followed, he found the ones that pushed through the pain the longest ended up being better psychologically adjusted throughout their adulthood than the others who had quit earlier.

            Oh, by the way, modern day mega blockbuster, Hollywood superstar Will Smith says that he is no more talented than anyone else. However, he is willing to die on that treadmill before he’ll let his competition force him off of it. Do you think Will Smith might know a little something about the Harvard treadmill test study that began way back in the 1940s? How about grit?

            You see, in the end, the evidence appears to be overwhelming that consistency of effort over the long run is everything. And sadly, we tend to quit too often and too soon. Let’s try to be a little grittier and let’s stick it out a little bit longer. Who knows what might happen if we do?

            The good thing here is that grit isn’t fixed. We can actually develop grit and develop more grit if we’re already a little gritty. However, in order to develop this grit we need to develop an interest. Not find an interest mind you, but to develop one. Next, we have to use our capacity to practice, then become purposeful, and finally never lose hope. Basically, it all comes down to the fact that if we get knocked down and we stay down, grit loses. If we get back up, grit wins.

            Do you get up time after time?

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Grit Part 1

   

        Angela Duckworth has just written a great book called, Grit. In her book she talks about what grit is and how we can grow it from the inside out, as well as the outside in. Take heed though, over the years many terms have been used that may sound like grit, but shouldn’t be confused with grit. Such terms as conscientiousness, self-regulation, self-control and executive-control and a few others do in fact have value in creating self-improvement and a higher quality of life like grit does, but differs from grit because grit emphasizes more of a long term passion over short-term control in what is doing and trying to accomplish.

            So, what kind of person is a gritty person? Well, Dr. Duckworth shares in her book that grit paragons are satisfied with being dissatisfied. In their own eyes their own performance is never good enough. They are grateful for their continual improvements, but they also know that there is always room for more improvement. They’re driven to constantly improve and enjoy the journey filled with all the hard work just as much as the highlight film and medals at the end. In essences, they believe that raising to the occasion has nothing to do with talent and everything to do with attitude. Grit paragons love to compete. They hate to lose. And maybe even more important, they love to keep going after failure when most others tend to give up.

            Those who defy the odds are especially gritty. Grittier kids stick it out longer in order to graduate high school. They stay on the job longer, thus are more often employed. They get advanced degree in college. But, surprisingly, many of the grittiest kids of all are the ones who graduate from two-year colleges where the dropout rate can be as high as 80%. Those who overcome adversity that causes many others to quit become especially gritty.

            Talent is constantly romanticizing our society. But the truth is that talent distracts us from what’s even more important… effort. Psychologists have long debated why some people are more successful than others. This on-going debate goes back to at least the spirited debates that Francis Galton and his very observant half-brother Charles Darwin used to partake in. Darwin was always surprised that talent continued to dominate Galton’s short list of what made people successful.

            The father of modern psychology William Henry James said that us humans live far within our limits and are only half-awake. Why? Well, Dr. Duckworth seems to believe that it is because many people are distracted by talent. Both their own talent and the talent of others is derailing them. If they blame others’ success on others being naturally more talented then it lets them off the hook for not being as successful as others. Furthermore, it makes the status quo okay. So why try? In addition, if they focus only on their own talent and the highlights of what they have become, chances are they never will put in the hard work necessary for actually becoming that person that they truly can become. Our culture fixation on talent, and constantly defaulting to the easy explanation of success through the well-known talent story is hurting us far more than it is helping us.

            Even the great Charles Darwin admitted to his half-brother Sir Francis Galton that he was never really that smart or talented. He was observant, but certainly not any more talented than others. Darwin equates his success to the fact that he would think about problems long after others had given up.

            So, now you must ask yourself if you have been fixated on talent at the cost of grit. Focus on the effort and overcoming adversity and you’ll become grittier.

Dan Blanchard is an award-winning author, speaker and educator. You can learn more about him at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com.

Start with Why part 5

Everything that I have mentioned here over the last several months is just the tip of what Simon Sinek talks about in his book, Start with Why. He goes on in his book to give many more examples of companies and individuals who have figured out their WHY, as well as how to express their WHY in a way that people can easily understand. In addition, Sinek also points out many companies that used to know their WHY and how to express it, but have lost either their WHY or their clarity of message over time and are now floundering.

            So, what can we do with the powerful information in Sinek’s book? Well, the first thing everyone should do is go get the book, read it, take notes and then try to apply his wisdom and insight. Get ready though for your mind to be over-whelmed with possibilities of the quality of life you could be living if you can just figure out your WHY and how to effectively express your WHY.

            Finding your WHY doesn’t come from looking forward into the future like some wizard, it comes from looking back. So, look back in your past and take inventory of your life. What were the best times in your life? When did you feel totally in control? When were you absolutely positive that you were doing the right thing and knew you were exactly where you needed to be? Now let me ask you WHY. Why did you feel so good and positive during those moments? Doing this simple exercise will help you begin to find your true authenticity. From the starting point of your true authenticity you can begin to successfully move forward with confidence to better understand WHY you do what you do.

Finally, you will be able to put all your future decisions through your WHY filter thus making your life a lot easier, less stressful, more productive, and more Zen like. I know Steve Jobs would approve of this, but please do shower and keep your shoes on at your next meeting. Figure out your WHY and consistently use your WHY filter for all future decisions and you too will start to attract others like you who can become part of your team in making this world a better place. No more hesitating. Go get the book. Read it and do what you have to do to figure out your WHY, express your WHY and succeed in fulfilling your dreams.

Dan is an award-winning teen leadership author, speaker and educator. You can find out more about Dan at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com. 

Start with Why part 4

 Someone who has done a good job with figuring out his WHY and then explaining it in a way that others too can clearly see what his WHY is was Steve Jobs of Apple Computers according to Simon Sinek. Apple’s ability to remain one of the most innovative companies year after year, combined with their uncanny ability to attract a cult-like following, makes them a great example to demonstrate many of the principles of The Golden Circle and knowing your WHY.

            Apple’s products give life to their cause. Apple “thinks differently” and everything they do demonstrates their WHY, which is to challenge the status quo. Apple wanted to give the individual sitting at home the same power as any big company. Apple wanted to empower the little guy. And this is a pattern that Apple has adhered to over and over again with all its different products from computers to phones to animated movies.

            It shouldn’t be surprising that Apple wants to challenge the status quo when one thinks about its founder and CEO Steve Jobs. Jobs grew up in the 1960’s when the youth were challenging authority and the status quo. For many years, while trying to build his company, Jobs would show up to important meetings wearing no shoes and not have showered. He would be barefoot in those important meeting with his not so-pleasant smelling feet up on the table ruffling the feathers of many more traditional people who were present.

            Hey, that’s just who Steve Jobs has always been. And growing up into an adult with a business didn’t change him. Until his death Jobs has always been the same Steve Jobs that he has always been and so has his WHY, which was always consistently demonstrated over time with everything his company and products have done.

            When one is as good as Jobs was with explaining and showing his WHY, soon a cult-like following takes place because it’s no longer about the product as much as it is about the people who buy the product. These people are not loyal to the product because it’s a superior product that’s better than all the others. They are loyal to the product and brand because it is a good product that says a lot about who they are as people, as well as what they want to express to the outside world about who they are as people through using the product and showing off the brand.

            Essentially, there is no difference between Apple’s customers, employees and shareholders. What they buy or do may be different, but they all have the same WHY and they all want the world to know it by associating with Apple, its products and Steve Jobs when he was still alive. In essence, Apple is not really a company that sells computers. It’s a company that is changing the world by challenging the status quo, and empowering the individual who just so happens to also sell computers among other things by the way.

            Next month I will talk to you about how to find your WHY and what to do with all the great information in Simon Sinek’s book, Start with Why.

Dan is an award-winning teen leadership author, speaker and educator. You can find out more about Dan at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com. 

Start with Why part 3

 Simon Sinek repeatedly says throughout his book, Start with Why that people don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it. And WHY you do it is your root cause or root belief that is buried in your inner soul and background. It’s who you are and what you stand for. It’s demonstrated by everything you have done in your life and everything you are going to do from this moment on. Your WHY is basically your authenticity and what other people can expect to get from you when they deal with you.

            “Unfortunately” says Sinek, “most of us aren’t very good at digging deep enough within ourselves to truly find our WHY, and for the few that do innately understand their WHY, even fewer are capable of expressing their WHY to others. Thus, the general population doesn’t know what they stand for and aren’t loyal to them or their brand, as evidence of the customers quickly leaving one brand for another that is having a sale.

            Sinek says that these difficulties in getting others whose brand is our brand and who are what we are to understand our WHY and becoming loyal to us is not our fault because expressing ourselves is rooted in our biology. Sometimes it’s tough to be just a mere mortal.

            Let’s take The Golden Circle that looks like a dart board with the bull’s eye in the middle and pull it out into a three dimensional figure so that now it resembles the shape of the human brain. The bull’s eye WHY has become the center of the brain and now represents our more primitive prehistoric limbic brain. The outer layer now consist of our newer neocortex brain. Our newer outer neocortex brain is where our language develop center resides. Thus, most of us usually have no problem saying in words WHAT we do. However, with our WHY residing in our older inner primitive limbic brain that has no capabilities for language it becomes very difficult for us to put our WHY into words. That’s why us humans love symbols, logos and pictures to tell the world our story and WHY we do what we do. The HOW part of the brain resides somewhere in the middle of these two brains and thus the ability to put our HOW in words is a bit easier than our limbic brain WHY but still somewhat fuzzier than our neocortex brain WHAT.

            Some of us will actually try to put words to WHY we do what we do, but those words or reasons, are often wrong, and we don’t even know it. Remember, our WHY centered primitive limbic brain doesn’t have language capabilities. Thus, once again our difficulties in expressing our WHY is rooted in our biology of being human, which means it’s not our fault that we struggle with telling ourselves, as well as others our WHY. However, regardless of whose fault it is, it is still our own responsibility to take charge of our lives and improve in our WHY area. If we do, us mere mortals, who are also amazing humans can eventually develop our own human success story in both pictures and words that will draw others to us from far, faraway places.

            Next month I will talk to you about a man who was pretty good at figuring out his WHY and expressing it to others.

Dan is an award-winning teen leadership author, speaker and educator. You can find out more about Dan at: www.GranddaddysSecrets.com